Confused & Unsure? You May Be Suffering From Abuse

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Confused & Unsure? You May Be Suffering From Abuse [EXPERT]
Tips for what to do when your partner is a manipulator and abuser.

Before you answer that too quickly, many people are in denial that they are being victimized. Our body is smart and protects us from harmful information. Maybe your partner is a saint — only compared to your father who yelled and screamed a lot. You will know you feel safe with your partner if you can discuss anything with them, from chores to sex, and they don't yell, pick on you verbally or retreat. 

After careful consideration, you determine that your partner is untrustworthy; you don't need to be unsafe yourself. Carefully approach your partner with respect and ask them if you feel safe to them. Often time's, intimate relationships take a back seat to kids, work and other distractions and we become less satisfied in the relationship. If you both agree to work on the relationship, you can learn to be safe people for each other again. If you need help, then contact a professional counselor. 10 Love Tools For Romance & Mutual Couple Satisfaction [EXPERT]

 

What is relational safety?

1. Being free from the threat of physical violence such as hitting, shoving, pinching, pushing.
2. Being free from the threat of forced sexual contact including feeling pressured to have sex even if you don't want to.
3. Being free from the threat of psychological violence; name calling, put downs, shaming, guilting, screaming, yelling, physical posturing as a threat.

Relational safety is when you can share any of your feelings, or behaviors with your primary partner. Your partners response would be out of care and concern for you. They are able to set aside their own feelings for a time in order to validate your experience. People who are not safe tend to get defensive and try to get their point across rather than be there for you emotionally.

How can I be a safe person for my partner?

1. Refrain from physical violence.
2. Refrain from forcing sex on someone.
3. Refrain from expressing rage, anger and other difficult emotions towards your partner.
4. Practice listening for understanding with your partner.
5. Understand your own unmet needs and be able to talk about them calmly with your partner.
6. Understand you partners unmet needs and build them up.
7. Prioritize your time with your partner as primary, above everything else. Schedule time together if you are both busy people.
8. Invest in your relationship by seeking professional help.

If after careful consideration your partner continues to be an unsafe person psychologically, you should consider seeking professional help for your own growth. A counselor can help you define what is you and what is your partners manipulation. If you have lived with manipulation for a long time it is hard to recognize it without an unbiased third party person. Family and friends are biased and will give you all kinds of advice. You need help identifying how you want to handle your relationship, not how your friends and family want you to handle it.

If you would like to contact me, Teresa Maples MS LMHC, please follow me on twitter or check out my web site and Couples Thrive Blog.
 

Article contributed by

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

Wanting something more from your relationship?, Join my newsletter. and you will recieve free practical relationship tools helping you develop a closer more connected relationship.

 

Location: Tacoma, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
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