6.Be the “go to person” for your partner. Your partner should be your go to person 24/7 no matter how annoying that might be. You make time for your partner so they can access you anytime no matter how trivial you believe it to be. If it’s important for your partner, it is important for you and the security of the relationship. You will both benefit from this agreement.
7.Protect your couple bubble from outsiders. Agree you will be there for each other in public venues. Don’t abandon your partner and assume they are ok, check in with them often in a group of people. You can gaze at each other across the room and still engage in conversations with others. Remember to put you Couple-bubble first when out with others or when parenting.
8.Fight well. Here you want to agree to a time that is convenient for both of you to discuss a topic. You actually can set a timer for 4 minutes, and discuss all you need to without having a 4-5 hour blow-out. Anything over 5 minutes will only escalate your primitives to further dysregulation. Agree to the 4-5 minutes to discuss the issue, do a intentional repair from 3 &4 above after the set time. Both of you should be able to function and “think” about the issue calmly and rationally before coming back to the issue and solving it or agreeing to disagree.
9.Rekindling love through eye contact. Try this out; it is through the eyes that we can connect emotionally with another person. We see them, they feel seen, and they do the same for us. It is the ultimate free dopamine rush to gaze lovingly into someone’s eyes. Dopamine is a feel good neurotransmitter in the brain that fuels the reward system. This is the same reward system that get activated for addicts. Only this is a healthy way to feel good and heal with your partner.
10.Your partner can heal you, and you can heal your partner. By following the guidelines, you can be a healer for you partner. Each person has some hurts from the past which had nothing to do with you as their partner. Choosing to be a healer with your partner to repair their old wounds will ultimately improve your satisfaction with your relationship. You will develop mutual safety and intimacy in the best possible way.