3 Things You MUST Do To Make Love Work With A "Bad Boy"

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3 Tips For Dating A "Bad Boy" ... The SMART Way

Who says that bad boy can't be the great man you end up marrying?

I want to come right out and talk about "bad boys" and validate that it's perfectly OK to love them. If you find yourself charmed by their magnetic pull, you're not alone. Most of us fall for at least one or two bad boys in our lifetime. 

There's nothing wrong with pursuing them for a fun dating experience, a hot one-night stand, or even a long-term exclusive relationship. What I'm saying is — yes, it's possible, that a "bad boy" might end up being the "great man" you marry!

But first, to clarify, when I mention bad boys, I mean men who are confident, assertive and don't sweat the small stuff because they're oh so certain they have it all under control. They're often honest (sometimes to a fault) and bold in their actions. There is swagger in their attitude and behavior, and women find this particularly sexy.

However, BEWARE, because your typical bad boy tends to run hot and cold. He's spontaneous and will swoon you into a risky dose of sexual passion only to follow that up with an emotionally aloof cold shoulder. 

Because of this, most people assume that if you date a bad boy he's not capable of being a great man ... and certainly he's not the right man for you. Especially if you're a "good girl." Everyone expects that you'll end up heart broken and pissed off that you wasted your time and energy on this guy, because you thought and hoped it would turn into so much more.

But if that happens ... know that being heart broken and pissed off about a failed relationship isn't the result of dating a bad boy, it's about you not knowing how to choose the right man for you or how to behave with a man who tests boundaries.

Listen sister, bad boys are here to stay.

It's common for a "good girl" like you to constantly feel attracted to the bad boys ... and visa versa. It certainly makes for an exciting beginning, as two opposites attract and ignite the love hormones like no other combination!

Good girls follow the rules (or, don't get caught if they break them). They're intelligent, friendly, honest, often overly accommodating, responsible, and trust worthy. Some people would argue that good girls are really bad girls who have not been caught. You decide.

That said, know that not every good girl has what it takes to hold her own with a bad boy. Can a bad boy turn into a great man and potentially be the right man for you to marry? The possibility is definitely more plausible when you're a good girl who knows how to do these three things: 

1. Be the Chooser

Don't Compromise. Assess bad boys as potential mates based on how they fit with you, rather than (what most good girls do) compromise who you are in the relationship. Don't waste time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Remember, this is your life. Live it fully, the way you want with the person you want. Don't settle for less than what you deserve and please don't think you can change a bad boy! You can't.

So, don't rush into love. Take time and evaluate whether this bad boy meets your requirements (including your non-negotiable deal breakers). Get to know him and see how he matches up against your list. If a critical requirement or value of yours is not met — get out! Recognize there is no future in that relationship and cut your losses. If you waste time with the wrong person, you miss the RIGHT one.

Lastly, if he doesn't choose you, don't feel rejected. Understand this simply means you're not a good fit and be grateful he saved you from wasting time. But, just because he's the bad boy (with all his strong energy) doesn't mean he has all the power. Being the chooser means honoring yourself and recognizing the relationship needs to work for you, not just him. 

2. Take Risks

Expand your comfort zone. Don't get stuck in a pointless, unsatisfying relationship with a man who is not compatible — you'll only waste your valuable time. Step out of your comfort zone and take some risks to experience things you might not usually try. Be open to recognizing fun opportunities. Say yes to things you secretly want to try! That said ... taking risks does not mean doing something overtly dangerous or that violates your instincts. Just like you choose him, you also get to choose your boundaries.  

3. Balance Your Heart with Your Head

Love and lust are heady and bad boys keep those hormones swirling around in your system!

Often logic doesn't prevail and that's where we get into trouble, especially with the bad boys. Understand that the initial strong attraction you have to a bad boy is not based on "real" love it's driven by hormones. When the chemical reaction eventually subsides you'll quickly discover whether you're truly compatible.

While attraction is an important element in a great relationship, a truly wonderful and lasting relationship balances chemistry and compatibility. So take it slow and steady. Finding a great man isn't a race. So let that bad boy simmer for awhile. Enjoy the fun, but pace yourself. The one thing all men respect (even bad boys) is a woman with healthy, self-respecting boundaries. 

Ready to have love that lasts? Make sure you download Teena's 10 Steps To Finding Your Soulmate. Teena Evert is a licensed marriage and family therapist and love relationship coach. She helps proactive savvy women who are ready to design a life they want so they can have the love they deserve.


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