We don’t like the word psychopath, but we'd better get used to it. Psychopaths are, in an oversimplified nutshell, those without empathy, conscience or care for anyone but themselves and their own agenda. They are amongst us, using people until they have nothing left to gain from them, and moving on to the next unsuspecting victim with the rehearsed charm of a Hollywood leading man. Destructive men care only about themselves and the impression others have of them. They cannot and do not care about anyone else, be it a girlfriend, wife or child. Their concern and focus is on control and they are often obsessed with creating a grand impression that must be upheld at any cost. They are often high functioning, highly successful and they are very difficult to spot unless you know to watch out for them.
Make waves that cause a toxic guy to lose his social status or the favorable impression of others and he will take you down at the proverbial or literal kneecaps. His goals are to come out on top, win at all costs, save his reputation amongst peers and, in the case of Saatchi, the public eye. Men like Saatchi will claim their counter-attacks are self-defense against their partner’s unjust actions against them (for example: she said no or refused to do things his way). As Saatchi scrambles to create the impression that he is the victim in this situation, he is doing an exemplary job of putting this blame and punish tactic into play.
Destructive men punish and attack with no remorse, feeling no empathy and claiming it is all justified by believing that "she" started it. They believe that their partner deserves the abuse for challenging them or for calling their character into question — especially if they have done so publicly. Saatchi’s only priority, like many abusive men, is to save himself.
Start educating yourself in a new way by doing informal searches on words like emotional abuser, social predator, personality disorder types, or even psychopath. Don’t dismiss information that could save your life or help you heal because you don’t like the term or what it represents in the extreme sense. You can’t let these words scare you; they signify a lack of empathy, along with other disturbing traits that you should be on the lookout for.
Don't expect the signs to be bold or obvious. They are often very subtle, especially in the beginning of a relationship when his lack of empathy may not be directed at you. It may be something as subtle as witnessing him treat a friend or colleague with disrespect.
If you would like further direction or want to discuss a situation with me privately, book a confidential consultation with me now.
Photo credit: Nigella Lawson's Facebook.