Women who attract poor quality or damaging relationships don’t ever want to embarrass someone or make them feel bad even when they know how harmful a guy is. Their heart aches for his pain, and because they want to buffer the pain others feel, their automatic reaction is to be understanding, to console, and to befriend. They think they can offer this comfort (be friends) and still stay away. They actually cannot do this because they lead with their hearts and get sucked back in easily with the hopes that he is a good guy who made a big mistake, when in reality, he is a bad guy who showed good stuff to get her invested.These women have the most desirable relationship qualities, but when they are shared with the wrong person it has disastrous consequences for them.
Women like Rihanna walk through the world believing everyone has the capacity to change so they give chance after chance where the rest of us would call it quits and write the guy off as a loser. We see the pattern but she does not. Women who go back to bad men only look at the last bad thing done and they see the guy is trying to fix it. They focus on how sad he must feel to have hurt them, instead of that he did harm her. They don’t see that the sadness he expresses is most likely about him losing her. His bruised ego is what causes his pain, it isn’t that he feels remorse at his core. 3 Tricks To Stop Yourself From Taking Him Back
More from YourTango: Nigella Lawson Teaches Abused Women A Lesson In Moving On
These women are loyal to a fault and honor commitments no matter what, continually trying to make unworkable relationships work, thinking the effort they put in will be matched. They will not tire until the pattern becomes visible to them and wears them down. Until Rihanna sees the pattern and gets tired, we can expect more of the same. Rihanna and women like her have to set up a system to keep their kind hearts away from these guys.
Here are 5 things Rihanna could do to keep away from Chris Brown:
1. Notice that her radar is way off.
2. Look for patterns to remind herself (hourly), what he did to her.
3. Establish a "No Contact" rule to support herself in staying away. This means no texts, no phone calls, no tweets, no reference to him, no eye contact, no email, NOTHING.
4. Understand what is being triggered in her when he contacts her. She should know that, for her, rejecting or turning the bad guy away will make her feel like she is damaging and hurting him and because that is not something she would ever do intentionally, she will try to be kind and gentle instead, which ends up getting her sucked back in.
5. Choose how she responds to the triggers. She should see the "No Contact" rule like this: by deflecting him and his efforts to reconnect with her, she is not doing anything to him or hurting him. She is simply taking care of herself. Putting herself first does help him in the end because she will finally break the cycle that is sure to repeat.
More from YourTango: How To Break The Cycle: Your On-Again, Off-Again Relationship
To Read Great Sex Advice: