Wrong Message: Unconditional Forgiveness
(Making no distinction between who deserves forgiveness and who doesn't) There are bad people who do bad things and there are good people who do bad things. Abuse and violence against women fits into the category of bad person/bad behavior every time. Nothing else matters; all bets are off; if you give forgiveness anyway, you will create an internal confusion and conflict. Giving inauthentic or undeserved forgiveness freely creates emotional blocks and diminishes self worth. 3 Tricks To Stop Yourself From Taking Him Back
Forgiving bad people/behaviors feels dirty because you know it isn't right to let people do the bad things, but the pressure to forgive and forget is huge, and the norm, even when it doesn't serve you. Make your own way; when it doesn't feel like the right thing to do, when you know wrong is wrong, and you're trying to satisfy or comfort others by forgiving in spite of that, then it is wrong; you don't have to give forgiveness, ever. Forgiving an unforgivable will cause nothing but stress; you can move on in more powerful ways; you owe no one.
Right Meassage: Conditional Forgiveness
(Making a distinction between forgiving a person and forgiving behavior) When it comes to a man physically attacking a woman, it is a deeply rooted character issue. Chris Brown didn't pummel Rihanna by mistake, he isn't a good, nice man who did a bad thing. Hitting a woman can't be considered a bad behavior because we want to feel better about what happened, it was disturbing and inexcusable; let it be what it was. A Domestic Violence Survivor's Advice For Rihanna
Authentic forgiveness is only possible on conditions, and with the category of good person/bad behavior because it is about the behavior, and a good person who makes a mistake is different than a rotten at the core person who is callous. Where abusers are concerned, the core of the person is off, it is not about the behavior, it's about the person and the pattern. Yes, it's harsh, but this is realistic information that can save your child's life if they ever end up with a man resembling the likes of Chris Brown. 3 Ways To Get Over Your Ex & Not Get Sucked Back In
Forgiving abusers can be fatal; parents cannot give or encourage mixed messages on this subject.
To Read Great Sex Advice: