ProConnect

Right & Wrong Things To Tell Kids About Chris Brown

By

Chris Brown
Yep, that's right, it appears she forgave him.
What did you tell your children about Rihanna being friendly with Chris Brown again?

When Chris Brown smashed Rihanna's face up and bit her, there should have been no question about what a child learned from their parent. If you didn't reveal your opinion about her return, your silence is sending a message of acceptance. You have to come down heavy on violence against women being wrong and back it up with supporting actions — like telling your kids no buying Brown's music. Sliding one penny in the direction of that loser is the same thing as saying it's okay to beat, bite, and threaten women.

Parents have to train their children's use of empathy and love. If you start spoon-feeding your kids the mushy and unrealistic, "everyone deserves forgiveness" conversation, you might as well punch Rihanna in the face yourself. Use this story to teach your kids that not everyone deserves forgiveness, and explain why, otherwise we're looking at another generation of woman beaters, more men with poor character, and more women with no boundaries. 3 Reasons We're Angry About Rihanna Secretly Seeing Chris Brown

More from YourTango: Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

When violence against women happens, the subject of forgiveness always arises, and it is encouraged, but that's wrong and very dangerous. Many of the same people who are all about forgiving can't understand why Rihanna seems to have done just that, but you can't have it both ways — touting forgiveness and then criticizing her for giving it too, and that is exactly my point. Abusers shouldn't be forgiven. We set women up to feel like they have to be, or should be forgiving, and it disempowers them. Women who have been with abusive men are already too forgiving and empathetic; they need better advice and safer strategies.

Teach your children what Rihanna and many other abused women never learned: that forgiveness and love should be conditional. You cannot keep your kids safe and teach them to forgive the behavior (battery) and still love the person (an abuser). When domestic violence or violence against women is the issue, forgiveness of any kind can be fatal. Be clear. How To Nourish A New Relationship: Five Tips [VIDEO]

More from YourTango: From Soul-Mate to Soul-Hate

Wrong Message: Unconditional Love
A bogus, overrated, unrealistic concept that is potentially harmful, especially if the child is soft hearted or a rule follower. It sets them up to stay through abuse and remain loyal. 

Right Message: Conditional Love
Only parents have unconditional love for their children, everyone else gets your heart, compassion, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness on a conditional basis. There are clear deal breakers, and one of those deal breakers is abuse. It's a condition to your love — if abuse happens, love doesn't, period. If it happens, you shut it down. If it happens, it happens once. If it happens, you owe nothing to anyone. No understanding, no sympathy, no love, no consideration, no shame, no explanation, no embarrassment, no forgiveness, and no contact75% Of Readers Think Rihanna Needs To Dump Ex, Chris Brown!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Teagin Maddox~The Start Over Expert

Author

Teagin Maddox~Start Over Expert
BA (Hons), CPC, Certified Toxic Relationship Specialist
Break Up Safety Training, Break Up / Divorce Recovery Programs,
& Safe Dating Courses for Women
www.teaginmaddox.com
212-799-0420

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: CPC, CRC, Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Financial Stress, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Teagin Maddox~The Start Over Expert:

Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

By

Valentine’s Day is the day to measure relationship successes and failures.  If destructive love has been your norm, or you’ve recently had a tough break up, you can end up rehashing years of unhappiness if you don’t take control of the day and use it to your advantage. Start the day by declaring your love life a toxic-free zone, and ... Read more

From Soul-Mate to Soul-Hate

By

If you expected your troubles to end after your relationship did but you are still having a hard time moving on, you may have been with a destructive or abusive partner. When you breakup from a destructive man, the past continually resurfaces, your breakup seems to go on forever, and anticipating a better future feels impossible despite how much time goes ... Read more

Nigella Lawson Teaches Abused Women A Lesson In Moving On

By

If you try to assert yourself or stand your ground with a destructive partner, prepare for the backlash. Destructive and abusive men punish women who say, "no." Nigella Lawson is experiencing this right now. When her husband of 10 years, Charles Saatchi, 71, was photographed grabbing her by the neck and prodding her nose during an argument at a ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Multi-Ethnic Senior Women In Swimming Pool

Make New Friends, Keep Good Friends

Once you have a clear idea of the kinds of friendships you would enjoy, you can decide to create mor

Cooking Together

6 More Eco-Conscious Ideas For A Better World And A Better You

Here are six tips on how you can have sex more consciously and also be kind to the environment.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS