Make Today A Love Checkup Day

By

Make Today A Love Checkup Day
Look for patterns in your relationship to determine if he's a keeper.

Today is the perfect day to do a romantic life check-up, where you take account of what you have~and compare it to what you want.  If it's off at all, this is a good time to assess if you are in the right relationship or not. 

One clue to knowing if you are with the wrong man, is to notice the patterns of your relationship. On assessment, if your pattern reveals that you guys get caught in repetitive cycles of the same argument, or that you are constantly bartering to get your needs met, or your concerns acknowledged, pay attention to what happens after an arguments, do the agreements or compromises for change stick?

If you resolve situations only to end up dealing with the same problem again days or weeks later, after you thought you had settled it, you may be with a man who can’t grow, change, or sustain awareness about problems~or why the agreed upon solutions matter. Which means, he doesn’t connect to the impact his actions (good or bad) have on you, and that spells trouble.

A relationship of this type will eventually wear you out, once you start to realize you are spinning your wheels. Until then, however, you will continually put in effort after effort because it the compromises and negotiations offer promise that the relationship is workable, but the reality is, if there is nor real tangible follow through or sustainability of the negotiations you are at a deadlock. You will end up feeling unheard and unvalued; you will have a lover, yet feel completely alone, which in and of itself is a good measure for spotting if you are heading in the wrong direction with your love life.  

This type of interaction will keep you invested for a long time, because no one needs perfection, but all of us need compromise, and you get them. The compromises keep you hopeful that this relationship can really work long term, and it makes you believe that you are heard, valued, and have something worthwhile, but when they don't stick, quite the opposite is true. It’s important to notice this pattern and evaluate if it is deeply rooted, rather than assuming the lack of follow through stems from his level of interest, effort, or ability to remember.

When you realize there is a pattern of him not following through on requests you’ve made that he agreed to, it is a deal breaker. Such a pattern can never be interrupted and it will destroy you in the end, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically as the stress affects your body.

If you’ve been living like this for some time already, don’t beat yourself up over it, it isn’t an easy read, and most of us don’t look for patterns or the overall impact a relationship has on us, we, instead, judge individual behaviors and decide their impact by comparing these to the qualities of the relationship or man. It takes time to figure out if this is going on, and it requires you actively noticing it, which means you have to be aware of what to look for to begin with, and if you are like most women, you probably did not know to watch for this little nuance, and you may have been coping with it by believing he is just stubborn, “a man,” forgetful, or whatever logic seemed to make sense of the cycle.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Teagin Maddox~The Start Over Expert

Author

Teagin Maddox~Start Over Expert
BA (Hons), CPC, Certified Toxic Relationship Specialist
Break Up Safety Training, Break Up / Divorce Recovery Programs,
& Safe Dating Courses for Women
www.teaginmaddox.com
212-799-0420

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: CPC, CRC, Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Empowering Women, Financial Stress, Life Management
Other Articles/News by Teagin Maddox~The Start Over Expert:

Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

By

Valentine’s Day is the day to measure relationship successes and failures.  If destructive love has been your norm, or you’ve recently had a tough break up, you can end up rehashing years of unhappiness if you don’t take control of the day and use it to your advantage. Start the day by declaring your love life a toxic-free zone, and ... Read more

From Soul-Mate to Soul-Hate

By

If you expected your troubles to end after your relationship did but you are still having a hard time moving on, you may have been with a destructive or abusive partner. When you breakup from a destructive man, the past continually resurfaces, your breakup seems to go on forever, and anticipating a better future feels impossible despite how much time goes ... Read more

Nigella Lawson Teaches Abused Women A Lesson In Moving On

By

If you try to assert yourself or stand your ground with a destructive partner, prepare for the backlash. Destructive and abusive men punish women who say, "no." Nigella Lawson is experiencing this right now. When her husband of 10 years, Charles Saatchi, 71, was photographed grabbing her by the neck and prodding her nose during an argument at a ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular