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Make Today A Love Checkup Day

Look for patterns in your relationship to determine if he's a keeper.

Today is the perfect day to do a romantic life check-up, where you take account of what you have~and compare it to what you want.  If it's off at all, this is a good time to assess if you are in the right relationship or not. 

One clue to knowing if you are with the wrong man, is to notice the patterns of your relationship. On assessment, if your pattern reveals that you guys get caught in repetitive cycles of the same argument, or that you are constantly bartering to get your needs met, or your concerns acknowledged, pay attention to what happens after an arguments, do the agreements or compromises for change stick?

If you resolve situations only to end up dealing with the same problem again days or weeks later, after you thought you had settled it, you may be with a man who can’t grow, change, or sustain awareness about problems~or why the agreed upon solutions matter. Which means, he doesn’t connect to the impact his actions (good or bad) have on you, and that spells trouble.

A relationship of this type will eventually wear you out, once you start to realize you are spinning your wheels. Until then, however, you will continually put in effort after effort because it the compromises and negotiations offer promise that the relationship is workable, but the reality is, if there is nor real tangible follow through or sustainability of the negotiations you are at a deadlock. You will end up feeling unheard and unvalued; you will have a lover, yet feel completely alone, which in and of itself is a good measure for spotting if you are heading in the wrong direction with your love life.  

This type of interaction will keep you invested for a long time, because no one needs perfection, but all of us need compromise, and you get them. The compromises keep you hopeful that this relationship can really work long term, and it makes you believe that you are heard, valued, and have something worthwhile, but when they don't stick, quite the opposite is true. It’s important to notice this pattern and evaluate if it is deeply rooted, rather than assuming the lack of follow through stems from his level of interest, effort, or ability to remember.

When you realize there is a pattern of him not following through on requests you’ve made that he agreed to, it is a deal breaker. Such a pattern can never be interrupted and it will destroy you in the end, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically as the stress affects your body.

If you’ve been living like this for some time already, don’t beat yourself up over it, it isn’t an easy read, and most of us don’t look for patterns or the overall impact a relationship has on us, we, instead, judge individual behaviors and decide their impact by comparing these to the qualities of the relationship or man. It takes time to figure out if this is going on, and it requires you actively noticing it, which means you have to be aware of what to look for to begin with, and if you are like most women, you probably did not know to watch for this little nuance, and you may have been coping with it by believing he is just stubborn, “a man,” forgetful, or whatever logic seemed to make sense of the cycle.

Once you do see a destructive pattern like this, however, if keep investing in the relationship you are surely headed for heartache and ruin on many levels. Facing the reality is difficult when everything else in the relationship is in order, or if he is genuinely a decent man in spite of this “little” issue. My point is, however, that over the long haul, such a pattern is not insignificant, and that’s why periodic assessments of your relationship, starting today, matter. You’ll save yourself heartache, and a lot of wasted time. 

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