Acting from fantasy or responding to intensity is exciting, but not the same as romance or love!
The split between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries has been scrutinized to death and it’s always Kim who is heavily, and unfairly criticized. The break-up happened because Kim came to her senses and realized Humphries wasn’t the catch she thought he was.
Clearly, she wasn’t tricked into marriage, but she was ignoring, excusing, and reasoning away things that should have sent her packing soon after they met. Even though many saw disaster written all over Kris, Kim didn’t even suspect it, partly, perhaps, because she wanted that wedding. There are plenty of women like Kim who are good at fantasizing when it comes to men and love; the ability to be so engrossed in fantasy also happens to be one of the qualities that makes the feminine side more obvious and even more appealing. Unfortunately, it is a characteristic that, if left unchecked, can cause women to be reality-blind, at least for a while.
Fantasy keeps us turned on and desirable, but if we make critical decisions about love from fantasy, it will trap us every time. If there is anything to learn from the Kardashian dash, it would be that Kim is a pro at acting from fantasy initially, then realizing it later, but hanging in there to make it work. Like so many other women who get caught up with the wrong men, she also pays the price during, and long after the relationship.
Kim’s approach to love is problematic from the get-go. She is clearly enticed by intensity, and she mistakes it for love every time. If she manages to find a man who is genuine, it will be because she got lucky, because without an awareness of your own relationship approach, women like Kim will have to work harder at finding sincere and genuine men. When they do find one, the guys luck out too, because the women who tend to attract the worst men naturally, also have some of the best relationship qualities there are. If Kim doesn’t put the clues together, she will continue with the wrong guys, and it’s sure to be a disaster every time.
Acting from fantasy or responding to intensity is exciting, but it’s not the same as being romantic or being in love. When Kim’s mother, Kris Jenner, stepped in to defend her daughter publicly not long after the split from Humphries was announced, she said “Kim is just very romantic.” Apparently we are all trying to make sense of the track record, but if we all knew what to look at, we could figure these things out pretty quickly, and women like Kim could avoid a lot of pain and suffering. Jenner’s heart was clearly in the right place, but a false assumption like “she’s romantic” dismisses the need to dig deeper, and could lead Kim to make another bad choice in men because it suggests there is no further investigation needed about her relationship history.
Knowing that there is a muddy and difficult to absorb distinction between romance and fantasy that needs to be understood makes all the difference in the world for women like Kim, who naturally, consistently, and subconsciously attract the wrong men by default. Blaming poor relational judgment on romance removes self-accountability and implies Kim cannot overtake chemistry and hope with reason, logic, and awareness, but she absolutely can, and should if she wants safe and respectful lovers.
If we let it go on the surface belief that Kim has no control over the outcome of love because she acts from romance, she’s toast. Kim has the dangerous combo package of being very alluring and highly vulnerable, and because she is also soft-hearted and trusting, and it is obvious, she will always automatically attract opportunistic men. Normal relationship advice, direction, or matchmaking is not going to help her because she won’t be led to see her approach to relationships from a more empowering perspective. My experience is that she would get the advice “normal” women get when looking for love, and it would come without a strategy of self protection specific to women who attract Mr. Wrong naturally, so it wouldn’t help her.
There are many characteristics that are typical of women who attract destructive, opportunistic men, or dead-end relationships, (usually repeatedly). These traits are typically exaggerated; they include: being highly sentimental, highly empathetic, leading with compassion, putting others feelings before their own, being the buffer for other people’s pain, having high tolerance, repeatedly giving chances for the same issues, being highly hopeful, mistaking intensity for passion or love, being highly competitive, not giving up easily, extremely loyal, and, of course, leading with fantasy. There are others, but in Kim Kardashian’s relationship with Humphries, some of the ones I mention here were clear.
This article was originally published at Teagin Maddox The Start Over Expert . Reprinted with permission from the author.