1. Cognitive Dissonance~understand it so you can recognize it. This is what happens when you left him because he’s a jerk, but then you start romanticizing him and thinking good, happy, sexy thoughts about him~and want him back even though he mistreated you, even though it just never worked. It means you are keeping two opposing thoughts swirling around in your head at the same time, first you think “He’s actually kind of good and he’s a nice guy, really, who does a,b,c...” but then later, even seconds later, you’re like, “No-wait, he’s bad, actually, he did a,b,c...etc. and that was wrong...” and you bounce back and forth trying to figure out, "well~which is he, good or bad~what do I do?" It’s an automatic thought process that happens when we are in transition and don’t know what’s coming next or how we’ll “make it” on our own or if we’ll ever find another man. It will keep you spinning and second guessing yourself; pay attention to your thinking to see if you are on this merry-go-round, and if you are, notice it and label it as dual thinking, and don't make any decisions when this is going on.
2. Figure out the cause of the intrusive good thoughts about him. Yes, they are intrusive even though they are good, think about it. These thoughts are interfering with your ability to move on and create your future. They are automatic, but they are not uncontrolable. Notice when they come up so you can shut them down: do you have the good thinking about him when you are lonely? When you run into him some where? Or maybe when you are bored? Or, are you wishing you had tried harder or played things differently because he is being so nice now? This is not an uncommon post-relationship dilemma. Figure out what is making you want to regard him as good or the going back to him as positive, when he wasn’t good for you.
More from YourTango: How Long Is Too Long In An On-Again/Off-Again Relationship?
3. Get pissed off. Yep, find the negative and focus on it because anger and those fake-happy thoughts you’re having when you think about taking him back cannot exist in the same space, at the same time~trying to have both good and bad thoughts when making decisions or judgments causes confusion and uncertainty...and keeps you wondering if you did the right thing by leaving. Negate the good feelings with realistic memories of your relationship and the disappointments you had when you were in the relationship and you will stay on track, realistic, and moving forward. Probably a good idea to ignore the new behaviors he is showing too, they aren’t real for who he has shown you he is, and he won’t sustain them.