Why you should stop looking for better, faster, stronger and start living in the moment
I live and work in a hyper environment of entrepreneurs and wantrepreneurs. A drive to succeed and a business you own does not, my friend, an entrepreneur make. Will your product or service change the fabric of our lives? Every day my social media feeds are an endless litany of life hacks, success guides, and saccharine pictures with inspiring quotes.
But I am playing a long game.
This is a concept that has been slowly percolating in my mind over the last 12 months. It is an idea that has begun to permeate my business, my health, and most importantly my relationship.
If we had spoken 12 months ago I would be telling you that successful people set goals, and then make them happen. That change happens in an instant and that all you need to do to be happy is to make a decision. It isn’t true though, is it? If it were, we would all be bathing in Moët and flying to exotic destinations before breakfast. And even when you see the facade of success, there is often an empty void in the relationships and marriages of those behind the smiles.
What happened for me, was I translated all of this business hype into my love life. I was projecting the future success of my relationship based on the results of specific moments. Extrapolating conversations or actions into eternity, while demanding and pursuing excellence in the present. I wanted us to always be better, faster, stronger (BFS). It is an attitude that both nourishes and destroys me. On one hand BFS means that I am continually evolving and learning, that I am a much better version of myself today than ever before. On the other hand, BFS can also mean that I am restless in the now, and that my life (and my relationship) is an ceaseless laundry list of areas to improve.
And so, I am playing a long game. And that means being with my man as though today is the only day. And it has meant a softening for me. An emotional softening where I no longer need to guard against the implications of his every word or act. A physical softening in which I breathe into each moment and shift my focus to acting with love from my heart space. It means I let a whole bunch of crappy balls through to the keeper, where once I would have taken a hit at all of them.
Love & gratitude are verbs. The feeling of love or gratitude is the happy reward for a consistent practice in the actions. Any time you aren’t feeling love you must act with love. Any time you feel less than abundant you must practice gratitude.
My days have filled with love beyond what I have ever imagined, and it isn’t in the glory moments where we resolve a conflict or have a night of wild passion. It is in the moments every day where we verb the hell out of each other and the feelings just flow. I love this game and I am so lucky I get to play it with him.
Tara Whitewood works with couples in business to combine strategy and love. She provides a modern alternative to a Marriage/Relationship Counsellor.
She works with couples to create the same structures & systems in their relationship as their business, from the mindset of success to implementing the day-to-day strategies and tactics required to create a loving, passionate, joyful relationship.
Tara offers sessions via Skype.
This article was originally published at The Sugar Doctor. Reprinted with permission from the author.