There's a HUGE difference between what you're doing and what you should be doing.
This is probably the number one question people ask me when we get onto the topic of sex. As with most relationship issues, the problem is never the problem.
If you want to know how to have mind-blowing sex, then forget your crotch and look between your ears.
Often in a long term relationship a couple finds that there is a specific sequence of touch that always leads to a physical result: rub A, lick B, kiss, A … B again then C and done.
It is so mechanical.
Men are often baffled that even though they are doing “all the right things” she is rapidly losing interest in sex with him. That is because what you are doing is merely getting her off, giving her an orgasm.
Frankly, she can do that herself ... and probably does.
What she can’t do is build sexual tension together.
She can’t recreate you exploring her body, and discovering the ever changing landscape of responsiveness.
She can’t bring your creativity, spark or your hunger to satisfy her to the very core. She can’t relinquish thought, and time, and completely lose herself in the sea of sensation of your touch. She can’t recreate the sense of abandon and freedom that comes with opening up to a man who keeps her safe.
You simply must change your focus from orgasm, to connection.
I am not saying that there is not a place for quickies, familiar routine sex, and fucking. There is.
But if you really want to keep the fires burning it is time to take your sex life to the next level—and that is psychological.
You’ve heard the saying “energy flows where your attention goes?" You want to keep her mind firmly on sex and sexuality.
But be prepared to mess up if you're trying to use a catch-all seduction method. Each and every woman is different in what she finds arousing, and you are equally as likely to flick the switch firmly OFF as you are to turn her on.
Your role as a loving sexual partner is to let go of your ego. Don’t take it personally. It is not a reflection on you and the faster you get the fuck over yourself, the faster you will connect with her in a way she craves deeply.
If she sends you dirty or cheeky texts already, that is a great sign, but be warned that it's possible this isn't how she wants you to speak to her. It is likely that she has worked out what you like but your dick pics and smutty words are not doing it for her.
Feminine energy is inferential, while a male energy is literal.
What does that mean? Be a little more lyrical, build an entire fantasy instead of leaping straight to describing foreplay or intercourse.
If you think you are doing this, you are probably wrong.
Allow yourself to build tension over the day, at the absolute minimum. Some great resources for ideas and inspiration are Literotica.com and Brightdesire.com.
Play a game like Monogamy to begin to understand the rhythm of arousal for your partner. Her pleasure & arousal begin long before you are touching!
There is a reason that women the world over went crazy for 50 Shades of Grey—and it isn’t what you think.
It isn’t outing the female population as secret BDSM lovers. Women are connecting with the masculine energy of the book. The way that he takes charge, takes responsibility for discovering how to pleasure her, and the way that he allows his own pleasure to become secondary.
The pure focus on titillating and teasing and arousing her, in delaying orgasms until the pleasure and desire builds. This is holding the space.
There is a rite of passage for a man to step into his sexual energy and let go of the boy to become a man. To stand solid and be vulnerable enough to own your sexuality.
Be present. Hold the space. Lead.
There is nothing hotter than a man holding the space with presence, she will melt!
This article was originally published at The Sugar Doctor. Reprinted with permission from the author.