They say the fun is in the chase...
If you Google ‘The Art of Seduction’ you will be besieged by articles, websites, and forums that supposedly deliver strategies for becoming sexually irresistible. What they actually teach is how to cheaply wade in in the shallow end of the intimacy pool. These methods may often serve you well in the beginning, but will pale in comparison to the thrill and intrigue created by a truly artful lover.
According to Kitty Cavalier, author of Sacred Seduction, "It's interesting that we associate seduction with , when in fact, true seduction is the opposite of sex. Sex is when desire is met. Seduction is not about the culmination or gratification of desire, it is about the thrill of the desire itself." For many couples, the art of seduction has been lost or is falsely synonymous with foreplay, and only takes place in the bedroom. But, at its heart, true seduction is synonymous with anticipation rather than gratuity.
So how, in a world of instant gratification, can we hope to truly rekindle the art of seduction?
1. Ask what turns him on about you and flaunt it through flirting
Ask your partner to recall a time when you were flirting and they felt strongly attracted to you. Find out, specifically, what it was that they found so attractive. Was it your sense of humor? Your smile? Was it the proximity or position of your bodies? Maybe it was the tone of your voice, or your magnetic confidence? Practice flirting with your partner and request that they let you know when you are getting it right!
2. Rediscover romance the way your partner wants it
Discover what your partner considers to be romantic. Many of my clients are surprised to learn how easy it is to be romantic when they focus on what their partner desires, not themselves. Plan a weekly date night, create a romantic atmosphere over dinner, and learn to speak your partner’s language.
3. Slow things down while you seduce him
Enjoy daily intimate moments. Find out what it is that makes both of you feel really sexy, really turned-on, and slow it down! This is especially important for men — who will often times, misguidedly, find this new sense of intimacy an invitation for sex.
A lot of the men I work with protest here “But I don’t always want sex!” I guarantee that for many women who hold back from intimacy in a relationship, it’s because their partner sees it as a cue that she is ready for more. For example, if she begins to kiss him passionately while they embrace, he may begin to touch her breasts. Then, if she seems to enjoy that, he will move to the ‘next base’. What happens is that, instead of abandoning herself to the sensuality of the moment, she takes preemptive action and loses interest.
On a deeper level, daily intimacy demonstrates to your partner that taking care of them emotionally is a higher priority than your own immediate gratification. So remember the excitement of new romance and slow it down. Show your partner that you have the discipline — even in the moment of your deepest desire — to put their pleasure above yours.
When you build deliberate tension together, you can unlock your erotic potential and become true artists.