The Hot Mom
If she were on Real Housewives, she'd be the one getting smacked all the time. Why? Because although she has a beautiful body, you don’t need to pimp it out on a regular basis unless it provides you with an income…in which case, we can’t be friends because I have parental controls on my devices that block those kinds of things. And I'm tired of my husband, who is also her "friend" showing me her posts and saying things like, "See! You can still get into shape at our age!" So, put on some clothes and post pictures of your perfect ankles if you'd like, but your abs just make me angry!
We do love her because she forces us to put down the donut and work out — once in a while — when we get mad enough.
The Online Party Mom
Our lives would be perfect, our wallets full, our passports worn and our bodies lean and clean if only we would buy every product from, host a party for or join this mom's team in her party plan of the month. She is the ultimate type A personality and she could make ice look irresistible to an Eskimo! We appreciate her love of life, but we know the real mantra for the world is to "fake it 'til you make it" So really, she should know that when she sends me those private messages that start out "I've been living the life of my dreams and I really want to share this with you!" ... I know what you're up to ... because you haven't spoken to me since high school.
But we love that she's thinking of us and we thank her for keeping our best interests at heart. (Really, we're not faking it.)
The New Mom
We tried to come up with a cutsie name for her, but we figured she'd fall one of the other categories soon enough anyway. So for now, we'll simply let her bask in glow of the pudgie cheeks, full breasts and that new baby smell. And we'll look forward to her "minute by minute" updates of the bodily functions that occur after her child has just eaten or woken up from a nap or had a bath.
We love her because she reminds us of a happier, simpler time, when talking back only included spit bubbles, poop was cute and everybody still wanted to be around our child.
The Mom Who Is Totally In Denial
Oh darlin' you know who you are (and so do we, because all we ever see on your page is you!) Those lovely duck-lipped selfies, sexy girlfriend shots, club shots, shot shots and shoe shots interrupted only by the occasional post about your suffering social life because of your "kid." The only real pics of your kid are the ones you took while you were pregnant so you could be in them or accidental spottings of half your child's face in the review mirror.
We love her because she loves herself so much it's contagious; and deep down, we know she loves her kids because ... well, they came from you.
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