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An Open Letter To The Future Wife Of My Asperger's Child

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A mother's advice: marrying a man with Asperger's
Daughter-in-law, it's you I worry about when my son forgets to say "I love you."
Practical love advice from a proud mom who's also married to a man with autism.

4. He is laser-focused on whatever he is doing at the time. So when he is thinking about or doing something that doesn't involve you, he is not thinking about you. It's not that he has stopped caring about you; he simply trusts you'll be okay until he's finished doing whatever it is he's doing. In the same regard, when he is focused on anything, the whole world disappears to him. He can work on a project, play a video game, or read for hours and not have to stop to eat, pee, check on you, or anything else. And he is not doing that to "escape" or avoid anything; he's really just that into it.

5. He doesn't want to have to explain how or why he knows certain things — he just does. And the fact that you don't is just irritating to him. He loves to teach, but he gets annoyed that there are things you don't already know.

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6. He is honest and literal to a fault. If he doesn't like something, he will tell you. If you ask him a question and he gives you an answer, don't doubt it or think he has an ulterior motive, because he doesn't. Manipulation is not one of his traits. This is also why you should never ask him questions like, "Do you think I need to lose weight?" or "Do you like my mother?"

7. He gets very defensive when he is embarrassed or scolded. He views it as disrespectful and has no tolerance for it. The upside is that he will understand when you call him out for embarrassing you, even if what he said was "the truth."

8. If you don't communicate with him, he will make you miserable without even realizing he's doing it. If he says something that hurts your feelings, tell him! If you want to tell him something but you just need for him to listen and not give you his advice on it, tell him. If he's constantly correcting you and you want him to stop ... tell him! It's in his nature to correct and fix everything, including himself, but he can't do that if you don't tell him what needs fixing.

9. He is extremely schedule-driven. Being late is a sign of laziness, and last-minute changes drive him crazy. This also means every project will take twice as long to complete due to his need for planning, preparation and research.

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10. Emotions are, in his opinion, silly, distracting, and inefficient. Crying and drama just kill the possibility of a good debate. At the same time, when he's arguing with you and gets heated, he's not trying to be dramatic, he's just passionate about making you understand that he's right. 

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Tara Kennedy-Kline

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Love Unconditionally, Give Freely, Laugh Openly, Learn Daily, Grow Immensely

Location: Shoemakersville, PA
Credentials: CFC, CLC
Other Articles/News by Tara Kennedy-Kline:

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