ProConnect

The Shocking Reality About Your Kid & Pornography

By

parenting advice: your kid and porn
Installing parental controls is just not effective enough to shield your kids from porn.
Are you prepared to answer your son or daughter's questions about sex?

With the average 10-year-old having access to five different screens at home, chances are good that your son or daughter is being exposed to some kind of sexually explicit message. So with that being said, at what age do we start talking to our kids about what they are seeing? And more importantly, have we set the stage for our kids to even step up and tell us when they do see it?

Luckily for me, my son knows that I trust him and would never be unreasonable with my reaction. Even though I wanted to vomit when my 12-year-old came to us with a video that he could not get to close on his phone, my husband and I remained calm and only answered questions that came up. Then, we removed the search from his cell phone (a motion recommended by other experts). What's needed is conversation, clarity and (if necessary and needed) consequences. The reason I mention "if necessary" regarding consequences is because if it was truly an accident, the humiliation of having to talk to you about what he/she saw may be enough to keep your child clean for a while. Lying to our children or making them feel shamed for seeing something sexual is a dangerous road to go down. It can lead to our kids having unsafe sex at a premature age. An article in Scotland's Sunday Herald says that males between 12-17 years old who were exposed to pornography had sex earlier and initiated oral sex earlier in an imitation of what they had seen. 

More from YourTango: The Olympics Are Here … Let's Talk About Sex!

If children are being exposed to sex as young as 6 (and let's face it, if you're sexually active, your kids have either caught you or overheard you talk about it already), then, we as parents need to start having conversations about anatomy around that same age. I'm not saying to teach your first grader about oral sex or orgasms, but to teach your child that boys have penises and girls have vaginas (and that babies come out of that vagina). I once counseled a family whose child was suspended after "threatening to cut a little girl open" while playing house at recess. Apparently, the kids were pretending she was having a baby after this child was told that babies are cut out of a mother's belly after "God puts it there." Get the idea? Honesty is always the best policy.

Kids are not filthy-minded little creatures who are born craving sex, porn and addiction. They are curious beings whose entire survival is dependent on learning about the world they live in. Procreation is part of that world. Education about the human body and what is "to be kept private between to consenting adults who love each other very much" is a gift to our children. It lets them know that their parts belong to them, they are in control of them and no one else should ever touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable or scared, and that it's perfectly natural to be curious about your body. They should learn that moms and dads who love each other connect in a special way and it's not bad. They should learn that if they ever see something that shows people's private parts, they should come to your parents immediately! They should not be punished for what they saw, but they may have to talk about it so they know they are safe.

More from YourTango: Don't Complain About What you Permit or Create

I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing any threesomes on children's networks anytime soon ... but then again, I've seen some cartoons lately that would make Hugh Hefner blush, so if we can't keep our kids locked in a closet, the next best thing is education—that and getting them outside where there are no screens (but that's another blog post).

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tara Kennedy-Kline

Author

Love Unconditionally, Give Freely, Laugh Openly, Learn Daily, Grow Immensely

Location: Shoemakersville, PA
Credentials: CFC, CLC
Other Articles/News by Tara Kennedy-Kline:

The Top 12 Things Your Kids Think About Your Divorce

By

Divorce can really suck. Two people, at one time so in love they committed to spend the rest of their lives together, find themselves communicating through lawyers, and dividing assets and possessions so they can start their lives over again — on their own. But for families with children, there's a whole other layer of complication and planning, and ... Read more

How Do I Get My Kid Off The iPad?

By

With the world of technology always evolving at an accelerated rate, kids are spending more of their time glued to the screens of their electronics instead of focusing on bonding with their family. How can we get our kids to put down the iPad and not make it an issue every single time? If you gave it to them, it should go without saying that you can ... Read more

I May Be The Only Adult Who Wants Rachel Canning To Succeed

By

Rachel Canning is an 18-year-old teen from New Jersey who is suing her parents over the education they promised her, but then defaulted on ... because she refused to break up with her boyfriend who they feel "might be a bad influence on her". She has had her college fund frozen, but perhaps most shocking is that her parents have refused to pay her ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS