Why Is it So Hard To Talk to Each Other?


Why Is it So Hard To Talk to Each Other?
It can feel impossible to talk to your partner; is it your style thats making it so hard?

When you are frustrated with your partner, communicating your feelings may be a good way to get it out.  

But sometimes we are afraid to talk to our partner about our needs.

Discussing an unmet or a problem with your partner could lead  to an argument or confrontation.  You might end up feeling every time you have a confrontation that your partner just doesn’t get it.

This may be a pattern of communication that you are both locked into.  This pattern  can make you feel stuck and frustrated, even hopeless. 

When you try to talk you may feel that you are going around in circles.  If this happens often, you may be stuck in a distance/pursuer pattern. 

In this communication pattern one of you avoids conflict and retreats from difficult conversations, while the other gets angry and feels abandoned when their feelings are not heard. This leads to a stand off.  When this happens the problem you wanted to talk about never gets discussed.

Are you a pursuer or distancer in your relationship?  Do you avoid conflict or start arguments to get your point across?  Your style of communication may be the one thing keeping you from being heard.

Try pushing your edge - change your style a little bit.  If you are a distancer, try staying present just a few moments longer then you normally would.  And if you are a pursuer, give your partner a little more space.

You may find that changing your style helps you to avoid getting stuck.

For more information on relationships contact Dr Tammy Nelson at


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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tammy Nelson


Tammy Nelson, PhD, LPC email me at

Location: Ridgefield, CT
Credentials: LPC, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Sex Therapy
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