Surprise each other with something totally new. Surprise your partner with something that's totally different and share it with him/her as a gift. Take turns picking out that "something new" every week. Try fruit as a sex toy or dress up as the opposite sex and explore what that feels like, at least once. It doesn't have to be complicated; in fact, your partner's suggestions may surprise you. You don't have to love everything you try; you just have to try it. You may both start to look forward to your "new thing" every week and get excited when planning for it. Make it as shocking as possible and make it a contest — try to out-surprise your partner each time.
Sometimes stirring things up and having an affair with your partner means sneaking around and sometimes it means trying something new. Sometimes it means showing up at the door in a coat and a wig and "pretending" that you don't know each other. Try role playing that you are cheating with each other and you'll notice how just by taking that chance — you can turn up the heat.
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It's not wrong if it feels right, because you're doing it with someone you love. Maybe, if you're lucky, after your hot affair night, you will both get to take off your trench coats and stay home.
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Dr. Tammy Nelson is a sex and relationship expert and the author of "The New Monogamy and Getting the Sex You Want", and "Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together." She can be found at www.drtammynelson.com.