Having an Affair and Cant decide if you should tell?


Having an Affair and Cant decide if you should tell?
Sometimes the decision to tell or not to tell about an affair can be challenging

Sometimes trying to decide if you should tell or not tell can challenge your limits.  What if you tell and it hurts your partner but the affair is over?  Wouldnt it be better not to tell? What if you tell and they leave you? 

Frankly, either way will be difficult.  Not telling isnt any easier on YOU then telling is.  Living with the guilt, shame and the general threat to your own integrity can make you withdraw from your partner.  They might see you withdrawing and wonder whats wrong. 


It is one thing to keep an affair that is in the past a secret in the present.  For some, it feels like a private experience and it is compartmentalized from the rest of their life with their primary partner.  For others, however, it can be a minefield waiting to blow and cause intense anxiety and mood swings.

One thing to keep in mind is that NOT telling may feel like you are protecting your partner.  But if they ASK you and you LIE, then its no longer about protecting their feelings.  Lying in the face of investigative questioning is a betrayal that leads to another level of tension in your relationship, and in yourself.

Think about this - would you rather disclose or be discovered?  What are the consequences of not telling?  Can you live with them?  What about telling the truth - what will happen to you; your partner and your relationship?

These are tough questions. Ask an expert for help - someone who works with affairs individually and in couples therapy.  Go to my website for more info www.drtammynelson.com


Tammy Nelson, PhD

Sex and Relationship expert and author of

Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tammy Nelson


Tammy Nelson, PhD, LPC http://www.drtammynelson.com/ email me at tammy@drtammynelson.com

Location: Ridgefield, CT
Credentials: LPC, PhD
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Sex Therapy
Other Articles/News by Tammy Nelson:

Miserable In Your Marriage? 3 Signs That Divorce Is The Next Step


You have been thinking about leaving your marriage for a while. Tossing and turning through each sleepless night, you struggle with one burning question: "Should I leave?" Here's what you need to know before you make that final decision.  First, no one can decide for you. It is only you who can make the choice to dissolve your marriage. ... Read more

Would You Stay Together If Your Partner Cheats?


If you have ever been cheated on, you know the pain and heartache that comes from betrayal. The hurt can last a long time, maybe even years.  So why should you stay?  Your friends and family will tell you “once a cheater, always a cheater.” But is that always the case? These days, 65% of couples stay together after an ... Read more

6 Steps To Moving Past An Affair And Reclaiming Your Lost Love


For many couples, an affair feels like the absolute end of the marriage or committed partnership. And for some it is. An affair can be what I call a "can opener," or a good excuse to end the relationship. But for other couples, staying together might mean hard work and a renewed commitment to one another, and with a clear path and some dedication to ... Read more

See More

My Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular