I was raised to be a lady, behave like a good girl and follow the rules. Good parenting, of course and it’s lovely to know how to dress and behave in a proper manner. But for a long time, this kind of thinking forced me to hide or be ashamed of my more aggressive energy.
There is power in the feminine and there is value in knowing how to follow rules and instructions but sometimes I subscribe to screwing graceful, polite and doing it right.
In the early stages of my grief, my anger about my loss definitely tapped into how unfair life was and how even though I had done what I was supposed to, shit still happened. I stayed in school, got good grades, graduated with a masters degree, found my first passion of filmmaking, took risks, held out for a man who met my standards and it all seemed to add up to widow. Boobie prize if you ask me.
Grieving was not always a graceful process. At times, I had very little patience and often I was not polite. Push the wrong button and I was ready to tear your head off. Throw a hissy fit because you can’t get your production vehicle parked and you got, “Look asshole, we’re not curing cancer here. You’re parking a $#%@ truck. It will get done.” (Believe it or not, the guy thanked me two minutes later for putting things in perspective.)
Most of the time I was a model of courage but sometimes it was important to give myself permission to allow my grief to be ugly. I tried to make sure my ugly didn't bleed into other's lives...and when it did, I had to clean up the mess.
When we give the perfectionist the night off and let the rebel out to play, we engage a whole different energy. Sometimes owning our own power requires stepping out of a proper persona and embracing a different aspect of ourselves. When we consciously choose from a variety of tools in our toolbox we can engage fully and in the most appropriate manner.
Sometimes in life, a situation requires us to set aside Miss Manners and forget about doing it right. Where in your life are you:
• Settling for less than what you want
• Being inauthentic
• Giving away your power
• Editing yourself to please others
What if you gave yourself permission to consciously explore aspects of yourself that would give you some freedom to play and let go? Might you the be able to:
• Set your standards in accordance to what you desire and deserve
• Speak powerfully and authentically
• Stand in your power
• Live your core values in a way that inspire you and others
Worth thinking about.