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The Dreaded "A" Words: Advice? Assumptions? Answers?

Love, Self

Tired of people thinking they know what's best for you? I am!

Don’t tell me…anything. You do not know if something will be easy or hard for me. You don’t know what scares me, moves me, inspires me. Don’t tell me what I should or shouldn’t do. You are not me and I am not you.

Certainly there are points of intersection on this journey called being human. I can have compassion for you and hold the space within which you can expand to become your highest potential. You can do the same for me. I can acknowledge you for your gifts and support you when you come face to face with your fears. I cannot give the world what you have to give and I cannot face those fears for you.

I’m tired of being polite, watching my p’s and q’s (as my mother used to say) and biting my tongue when people overreach and start telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing, feeling or saying. I bristle when I hear the advice tumbling from their lips.

Don’t tell me I’m this or that. You do not know, from standing in line next to me at Starbucks for three minutes, that I am thinking one way or another about something. And I do not know that about you either.

How dare you presume that you know for a second what my challenges have been or what it has taken to survive or that you know what I can or cannot do?

More than that, how dare I make myself smaller or doubt myself because someone else thinks they know? How dare I listen for even half a second to anyone else who is not holding open the greatest vision of me? How dare I question my own possibility?

What if we all played the game the other way? What if we invited ourselves and others to be more, do more, try more, strive more? What if we challenged each other to up our game and supported each other to reach goals higher than we ever imagined possible? What if we were there to catch each other on the days we tripped and fell? Dusted each other off and said together, let’s try again?

What I love about the coaching modality is that it is NEVER about telling, advising, mentoring or deciding for another. It is about helping others get clear on their goals, core values and what’s been stopping them from living the life they desire and deserve. It is about seeing them for their greatest potential and holding that space for them until they can hold it and own it for themselves. They choose, they decide.

Coaching is about helping others prepare to fly on their own, not about keeping them safe and small. We do that well enough on our own and usually because we’re in a place of feeling like it is us who needs to stay safe and small.

Recently, someone warned me that something I was about to embark on was hard. No, it is not. Hard is care giving for your husband when he’s dying of cancer. Hard is shaving his head when chemo claims his hair. Hard is holding the still warm urn in your hands when the ashes have been returned to you. Hard is finding something else to be passionate about in your life again when you have lost what you loved most.

Hard is dying young and not realizing all your dreams…so how dare I sit back, let the doubts of others creep in or hold me back from living the biggest life I can?

That is a thing I do not dare to do.


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