Don't be afraid to have high expectations.
I want to share with you an interaction that I had with a client recently. I'll call her Tessie. When I started working with her, she shared a story of heartbreak, agony and unhappiness. Tessie told me that her ex-husband was responsible for her current level of mistrust of men. She blamed her "unavailable" parents for her feeling unloved and her "stupid" boss for her day-to-day misery. She was filled with loneliness, sadness and despair. When I asked her, "Tessie, what do you want to experience in your love life?" She answered, "Well, I don't want a jerk like my ex, that's for sure!" Then I asked, "OK, so what do you want?" She answered, "I don't want to feel so lonely anymore." My response was, "Yes, I'm getting clear about what you don't want, but what do you actually want?" There was a long silence. She finally answered, "Oh my God, I don't know; no one has ever asked me that question before!"
Have you ever heard the old term “Without vision the people perish?” Well, the same is true for your heart — without vision your heart will perish. Here's what I told Tessie next, "It's time for you to start creating very consciously in your heart and soul the vision of your new passionate and wonderful life. If it is your heart's desire to transcend the drudgery of your current circumstances and would like to move to a more joyful way of being, it is now that you have to let go of this resentment, bitterness and pain, and stop blaming others for the life that you have chosen. You create everything that you experience in your life. Everything!"
What Tessie said next made me laugh. She said, "I don't know whether I should be mad as hell or kiss your feet for saying such a thing to me, but you do have my full attention!" "Good!" I said, "You really are the creator of your life. Therefore, purposely create what you want, not what you don't want. It is time for you to start dreaming your heart's desires every day, very consciously, and to choose them in all of your aspirations, thoughts and feelings. It is your job to create your new dream. What life and love will you create?" Again, there was a long silence, then she finally answered, "All I want is a man who treats me with respect." I asked her, "Anything else?" She said that she also wanted someone who is funny and could make her laugh.
I urged her to keep going, and to dream much bigger. I asked her to envision what it would feel like to be with her beloved, to share the same values, to laugh hysterically together, to experience passion being ignited between them. I explained that our little pea-sized human brains cannot even imagine what is actually possible. The universe is constantly trying to give to us more and more, if only we would envision it — a lot. Envisioning your dream is just the same as demanding from the universe what you desire, which, by the way, is also what you deserve. Therefore, don't focus on what you don't want anymore. Instead, dream really big and expect even more.
It is your responsibility and your choice to create your new life that you want to inhabit. Start dreaming your vision of paradise in your heart and how you would like to see this actualize in your life. Be specific and don't hesitate to include all of the wondrous details. (Very important note here: Don't get attached to any of this!) You are a co-creator god/goddess. The universe is now moving energy to create what you envision. Now that's exciting!
Tamara's Tips For Dreaming Big:
- Write a list of all the things you want in a relationship. Go for the big kahuna of dreams. Make it grand, wonderful and filled with bliss.
- Now close your eyes and envision this all coming true for you. Your subconscious mind does not know the difference between actual reality and what it imagines, so go ahead and have an amazing and exciting scene play out on your mind screen. Dream this often.
- Have your thoughts, actions and words reveal what you dream. Act as if you already are experiencing your blissful and grand love life.
- Repeatedly acknowledge that you deserve all this and more.
- Allow and receive what's coming to you. This is important because a love problem is actually a receiving problem, so receive, receive, receive.
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This article was originally published at Tamara Green. Reprinted with permission from the author.