“Do I look fat in this?”
It’s not just women who ask their partner this no-win question. Plenty of men dislike their bodies joining the virtual epidemic of women who do. It’s almost become the norm to hate your body-- or at the very least, to criticize certain parts.
This negatively spills over onto your relationship.
When you’re habitually critical and insecure about your body it comes through in how you talk, walk, kiss, make love and act. When you ask the classic question, “Do I look fat in this?” or otherwise make it your partner’s job to reassure you that you’re attractive, you put your partner in an impossible situation.
If he or she says, “You look great!” your body hatred won’t let you believe it. You’ve already made up your mind that you don’t look good and whatever your partner says will filter through those beliefs regardless of what he or she thinks. So you might be better off NOT asking that question and, instead, start accepting and loving your body as it is.
If you need more motivation for changing your attitude, here are 5 reasons why loving your body is beneficial for your relationship...
1. You're more fun to be around.
Have you ever been with someone who constantly puts her or himself down and can’t seem to talk about anything else but perceived limitations? It’s a huge downer, isn’t it? When you learn how to accept and love your body, you’ll be more open and accessible to your partner.
2. You free yourself to actually enjoy your relationship.
It takes a LOT of energy to hate on how you look! When you stop exhausting yourself with criticisms and negative judgments about your body size and appearance, you’ll have a greater capacity to truly enjoy the time you spend with your partner and you may feel more adventurous to try new activities too.
3. You're less distracted.
Instead of focusing so completely on worries that other people (especially your partner) think you’re “fat,” “ugly” or otherwise unattractive, you’ll be able to really listen to the conversations others are trying to have with you. You’ll be able to really engage with your partner instead of being distracted by an onslaught of self-critical thoughts.
4. You teach your partner how to treat you.
The way you talk about and treat yourself is a powerful example for your partner. The more you make peace with the way you look (and even appreciate it), the more likely your partner will follow along. And, by the way, healthy self-confidence is sexy regardless of what size you wear.
5. You can create the relationship you want NOW.
Instead of waiting until that day in the future when you reach your goal weight or are as physically fit as you want to be to have a passionate and close relationship, when you love your body you can have that kind of relationship today.
Have we convinced you that accepting your body is smart not only for your sake, but for the well-being of your relationship too?
Of course, knowing it’s smart and genuinely loving your body are not the same thing. It can be frustrating when you try to accept the way you look, but you’re just not feeling (or believing) it.
Here’s how to start loving your body...
1. Practice interrupting your put downs and critical body thoughts. Meet a thought like, “I’m so fat.” with “Is it healthy for me to keep thinking this?” A simple interruption like this can help you shift momentum in a different direction.
2. Stop comparing yourself to others. It’s another no-win situation. Even if you think you’re somehow more attractive than someone else, the need to “be better” will stress you out and take you away from what’s most important.
3. Intentionally look for aspects of yourself and your body that you accept and actually like. It might be the little toe on your left foot. If you can genuinely like some part of your body, focus your attention there. Build from that place and expand to other parts.
4. Be more appreciative of your partner’s body. As you learn how to love your own body, be sure to look for and verbally express how much you like certain parts of your partner’s body. Don’t do it to get a return compliment. Do it because you truly feel it.
5. Make choices that support you loving your body even more. As you begin to value and respect your body, you’re more likely to eat, drink and move it in nourishing ways. This body-affirming mindset and lifestyle will come through as a more confident, glowing and healthier you that your partner won’t be able to resist!
Want to know more about how to create the kind of relationship you’ve always wanted? We have practical and easy-to-follow tips you can use in our free Passionate Spark~Lasting Love ebook you can get at www.relationshipgold.com