4 (Not So) Little Communication Habits That Crush Connection

By

4 (Not So) Little Communication Habits That Crush Connection
Avoid these mistakes when talking to the one you love...

Instead of uttering a reminder-- again-- explore your mistrust. Is it coming from the past (an experience with your partner or with someone else) or is it coming from your beliefs that he or she is incapable or unwilling to do this thing?  The impulse to nag eases when you take care of the emotions underneath. 

2. Interrupting
The fast pace of our culture has made many of us so impatient! This leads to rushed conversations where one person (or both) interrupts. Perhaps you interrupt because you’re so excited about a thought that just occurred to you or maybe you interrupt because you’re worried you won’t have a chance to say what you need to say if you don’t.

Either of these may be true, but they don’t support healthy communication or your relationship. When you interrupt, you show that you aren’t really listening or that you don’t care that much about what your partner is sharing. This might not be your intent, but it’s how interrupting feels on the receiving end.

Recognize it when you cut off your partner mid-sentence. Stop and apologize. Take a deep breath, slow down and really focus in on what your partner has to say. If you believe you aren’t getting a chance to talk, ask your partner to give you more opportunities to talk in the conversation.

3. Fixing
When your partner comes home after having yet another power struggle with his boss and you are sure you know what will resolve this never-ending misery for him...wait. Your impulse may be to launch into your solution to this problem, but it might hurt far more than it helps.

When you try to fix-- a situation or one of your partner’s flaws-- you send out another “I don’t trust you” message. Even if you believe you are coming from a place of concern and love, it can feel to your partner like an attempt to control and dominate. Meet your partner’s tale of frustration or woe with a question like, “How can I support you?” or “Are you open to hearing a suggestion from me now?”  Honor his or her reply.

4. Assuming
This communication habit happens first in your mind. It occurs when you “read between the lines” or “interpret” what your partner has said for the “real meaning" and then react to what you assume, instead of to what was actually said.

We all make assumptions, so the key here is to realize what you’re doing and to re-focus yourself on the facts-- the literal words your partner said. Many, many misunderstandings and disappointments can be avoided when you stop operating as if your assumptions are true. If you’re confused ask, “Please help me understand...”

Who says communication with understanding, clarity, compassion and love has to be difficult?! In Magic Relationship Words, we’ve put together powerful words, phrases and sentence-starters that can be used to talk about even the most sensitive subjects with your partner and still keep your connection strong. Find the right words to say at www.magicrelationshipwords.com

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

3 Ways “Meant to Be” Screws Up Your Relationship

By

“Cheers to the perfect couple!” Heart-felt words like these can actually doom a relationship! Did you know that your well-meaning congratulations to a new couple could solidify dangerous myths about love? Beliefs about relationships were the focus of a recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Toronto and the results could ... Read more

What To Do When You Feel Needy

By

It is a rare person who hasn't ever felt needy. You know the feeling. The urge to know — in that moment — that the one you love is interested in you, cares about how you're doing, wants to spend time with you and genuinely loves you. You want some sign that you're special to your spouse or partner. What's emotionally painful about ... Read more

5 Cures For Your Biggest Jealousy Triggers

By

Sam feels frustrated after a visit with his doctor. His blood pressure is high and he's developing a stomach ulcer. None of these health conditions are a big surprise to Sam. He's been super stressed for months and it's largely because of all of his pent up feelings. It all started when Sam's wife's ex-husband moved back to their small ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.