“Was it something I said?!”
How many times have you noticed a sudden chill in your partner’s mood and wondered if you unintentionally upset or offended him? How often are you left utterly confused about why she’s turned her back to you in bed?
When the one you love closes down and shuts you out, it’s natural to worry that you are (at least partly) the reason why. It feels personal. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you. Your partner’s distance can be about any number of things including:
- Stress at work
- Health concerns
- Tension with other family members or friends
- Financial worries
- Personal achievement doubts
The disconnection you feel in your relationship may not be about you at all...but, then again, it might be.
It’s always a smart idea to stop the stories that are clouding your mind about why your partner seems uninterested or upset and to get clear. Think about what’s been going on in your relationship lately. Review what you know about what’s been happening in your partner’s career, personal growth and other relationships.
When you think through the facts you have, it could become apparent that you have contributed to the chill in your relationship. What might come as a surprise is that what turned your partner away from you was something that didn’t seem like such a big deal to you.
But it was.
Far too many people continue unhealthy communication habits that they don’t consider to be harmful, even though they are. These people aren’t lying, yelling, name calling or issuing ultimatums to the ones they love...but they are crushing the passion and connection in their relationship.
When these “little” communication behaviors are repeated enough, the effects can be just as BIG and hurtful as the more obvious slights. Clean up the way you talk with your partner and avoid these 4 habits that push your partner away:
It can seem impossible to stop yourself from reminding your partner (for the umpteenth time) to take out the trash or do whatever he or she has promised to do but has yet to followed through with. Your urge to nag probably comes from mistrust that the job will get done-- or that it will be done to your satisfaction.
That message of mistrust comes through loud and clear and it not only turns your partner off, it usually ensures that the job will NOT get done quickly or in the way that you want.