While some people like to be surprised, if you're with a partner who detests Valentine's Day this might not be the time to expect one. Be upfront with one another about the gifts. Will you exchange them or not?
Make a clear agreement about what you each will do and then stick to it. Don't say, “I'm okay with no gifts” and then get angry when you don't get a physical gift from your partner.
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Don't take it personally.
Above all, do NOT make your partner's Valentine's Day hatred about you. Chances are, his or her aversion is about over-commercialization, insecurity, financial worries, beliefs about self and relationships and any number of other things that truly have nothing to do with you.
You may never fully understand exactly why your partner dislikes February 14th and that's okay.
When you hear your partner say something negative about romance, sappy cards or other Valentine's Day topics, notice it if you feel triggered and pause BEFORE you say or do anything.
Breathe and bring your thoughts back to what you know about your relationship. For example, think about a recent time that you two spent together when you felt close, intimate and maybe even romantic. Remind yourself of that moment.
Acknowledge to yourself that your partner can be both against Valentine's Day AND show his or her love for you in meaningful ways.
Don't give away the day.
Ultimately, you are the one who determines whether or not you feel special and have an enjoyable Valentine's Day.
Yes, it can feel wonderful to be presented with a big bouquet of flowers...if it's given from the heart. That same gift can also be given grudgingly and the effect isn't wonderful at all.
Don't make your experience dependent on what your partner does or doesn't do.
Treat yourself with the special pampering and love that you are looking for. Don't treat yourself well because your mate “won't” or “can't.” Do it because you deserve it.
You deserve to lavish yourself in all of the hearts, flowers and chocolates you desire and it doesn't mean that your partner loves you any less because you gave these things to yourself.
(By the way, if you are consistently dissatisfied with your partner and he or she is unwilling to work with you to make some improvements, maybe it's time to re-assess the relationship.)
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Be true to who you are and meet your own needs. This frees you to connect in with your partner where he or she is. What you might discover is that your partner is not as anti-romantic as you think.
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the relationship they desire. Click here to get their free ebook, Passionate Heart-Lasting Love.