Is Your Guy Ruining Valentine's Day?

By

Is Your Guy Ruining Valentine's Day?
Don't let your partner's Valentine's Day aversion ruin the romance.

While some people like to be surprised, if you're with a partner who detests Valentine's Day this might not be the time to expect one. Be upfront with one another about the gifts. Will you exchange them or not?

Make a clear agreement about what you each will do and then stick to it. Don't say, “I'm okay with no gifts” and then get angry when you don't get a physical gift from your partner.

 

Don't take it personally.

Above all, do NOT make your partner's Valentine's Day hatred about you. Chances are, his or her aversion is about over-commercialization, insecurity, financial worries, beliefs about self and relationships and any number of other things that truly have nothing to do with you.

You may never fully understand exactly why your partner dislikes February 14th and that's okay.

When you hear your partner say something negative about romance, sappy cards or other Valentine's Day topics, notice it if you feel triggered and pause BEFORE you say or do anything.

Breathe and bring your thoughts back to what you know about your relationship. For example, think about a recent time that you two spent together when you felt close, intimate and maybe even romantic. Remind yourself of that moment.

Acknowledge to yourself that your partner can be both against Valentine's Day AND show his or her love for you in meaningful ways.

Don't give away the day.

Ultimately, you are the one who determines whether or not you feel special and have an enjoyable Valentine's Day.

Yes, it can feel wonderful to be presented with a big bouquet of flowers...if it's given from the heart. That same gift can also be given grudgingly and the effect isn't wonderful at all.

Don't make your experience dependent on what your partner does or doesn't do.

Treat yourself with the special pampering and love that you are looking for. Don't treat yourself well because your mate “won't” or “can't.” Do it because you deserve it.

You deserve to lavish yourself in all of the hearts, flowers and chocolates you desire and it doesn't mean that your partner loves you any less because you gave these things to yourself.

(By the way, if you are consistently dissatisfied with your partner and he or she is unwilling to work with you to make some improvements, maybe it's time to re-assess the relationship.)

Be true to who you are and meet your own needs. This frees you to connect in with your partner where he or she is. What you might discover is that your partner is not as anti-romantic as you think.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the relationship they desire.  Click here to get their free ebook, Passionate Heart-Lasting Love.
 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

I Love You, But...

By

You can't understand why your boyfriend claims you don't show him any respect. You're baffled that your wife says you're "impossible" to please. None of what your partner says makes sense to you because—in your mind—you're always loving and supportive. Before you totally discount what your special someone alleges, ... Read more

Oops, I Accidentally Broke Up With My Partner. Now What?

By

You don't know why you said it, but you did. It was a stupid argument and you can't even remember how the conflict started or what it was really about. What you won't ever forget is how frustrated and angry you were and the stunned look on your partner's face when you uttered the words... “It’s over! I’m leaving ... Read more

Should You Track the One You Love?

By

Focus on the facts. This is advice that we’ve offered over the years to countless women and men who were confused and worried about their relationships. Whether it’s suspicions that their partner is having an affair or anxiety that he or she doesn’t feel the same way, it’s always a good idea to lay out the observable, reliable and ... Read more

See More

 
PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular