Are you hearing this from your guy?
“Valentine's Day is just a made up holiday to try to get me to spend money.”
“All of this hearts and romance stuff turns my stomach.”
“Sorry, honey, I'm just not much of a romantic.”
“I tell you 'I love you,' why do I need to buy you expensive gifts too?”
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It seems that the Valentine's Day haters (including men and women) grow louder and louder every year. Are you in a relationship with one?
Perhaps, to you, February 14th is not such a big deal. You don't expect your partner to spend hundreds of dollars on gifts for you, but you would like to do something special together. You'd enjoy a romantic dinner followed up with some sexy intimacy for dessert.
Or, maybe Valentine's Day does mean a lot to you. In your opinion, it is THE prime time to express how deeply you love and care about one another. For you, this holiday is an important day to celebrate your love.
When your special someone disses this celebration of love, you feel hurt and rejected. It could seem like your partner's hatred of Valentine's Day is a reflection of how he or she feels about your relationship!
You might take the anti-Valentine's Day remarks as indicators that you and your relationship just aren't all that special.
If you do, we understand AND we bet you've had a lot of frustration, disappointment and conflict as a result.
If you're tired of the relationship war you and your partner have been in around Valentine's Day, try this...
Talk expectations-- in advance.
Don't wait until February 14th to talk with your partner about expectations. Well before the day, have an honest and open conversation.
It is probably not going to feel good to either of you if you merely list off the gifts or gestures you expect your partner to present to you as a show of love. Don't guilt trip or demand because that will only breed resentment. You may end up pushing your partner farther away in the process.
This talk is a chance for you and your partner to set aside your argument about whether or not Valentine's Day is a legitimate or necessary holiday. It's an opportunity for you both to stop insisting on being “right.”
Instead, you and your partner can shift the conversation away from a date on the calendar and back to what's most important... your love for one another.
It's reasonable for you to want to feel special and to infuse more romance into your relationship AND it's reasonable to find ways to show your love to one another that are meaningful and authentic to both of you as well.
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We're not asking you to give up Valentine's Day or your desire for romance. We are encouraging you to re-focus on connection and love by opening up to ways to bridge this difference.
During your conversation, you two could come up with some ideas-- that appeal to you both-- for spending passionate quality time together. Make a date (which may or may not be on February 14th) and schedule it on your calendars.