Tiffany doesn't recognize her husband Pete anymore. She remembers those early days of their relationship when Pete wanted to spend just about every waking moment with her and was so romantic and caring.
This man, 8 years later, seems to be a completely different person!
Feeling disappointed and resentful, Tiffany wonders how she can get her “Mr. Right” to return. She also worries that this is just an inevitable part of marriage and she'll have to either suffer through it or leave.
We've all heard about the so-called “honeymoon” phase of a relationship. This is when a couple is getting to know one another, falling in love and generally can't seem to get enough of one another.
But then, often, some change seems to happen. Whether you move in together, get married or continue to date, the two of you settle into your life together.
During and after that settling in, some of the initial passion and newness of the relationship can dwindle and fade. For some people, habits and tendencies that you didn't notice before about the other person, come out-- and they aren't always pretty or preferable.
When the spark dies down (or seems to go out), the marriage or relationship itself can be in jeopardy. Without that sense of excitement and passion-- even if it's only part of the time-- one or both of you might begin to question why you are still with this other person.
Become clear about what you want.
When you notice that you are in a relationship with a mate who seems completely different than the person you fell in love with, this is your signal to stop and go inside yourself.
Ask yourself about what you feel is missing or lacking in your present relationship. Be specific. For example, you might crave more physical intimacy with your partner. Or, it could be that you'd like to feel listened to and really heard more of the time.
For right now, focus on what you would like to be different in your relationship instead of on how “wrong” or “inept” your partner seems to be in particular areas.
You might also ask yourself if you want to continue to be in this relationship.
We aren't encouraging you to rush into a breakup or divorce. However, it can be renewing and empowering for you to know that you get to decide whether or not you'll stay in this relationship.
When you re-affirm that choice to stay, you might find within yourself a more open attitude which can help you to see solutions that were not apparent before.
Tiffany takes a day off work so that she can be by herself at home. She purchases a journal and begins to write about what she wants from her marriage and for her life overall.
She also allows herself to consider the possibility of leaving her relationship with Pete and starting over. After Tiffany has poured her thoughts and feelings out onto the pages of her journal, it is clear to her that she does want to stay married to Pete.