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What’s “Normal” in Your Relationship?

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What’s “Normal” in Your Relationship?
Why comparing your sex life with others is a bad idea...

It is valuable to identify what is “normal” in your relationship. Notice the emphasis is on thinking about what, for you and your partner, is a normal and usual mode-- not what you think the rule is that ALL couples have to abide by.

Love is not “one size fits all.”

More from YourTango: How Pushy Is TOO Pushy?

It’s going to be very different for each couple, so notice what it’s like when you and your partner are connected and close and stop the comparing. When you two are connected is probably when you’re also having frequent and satisfying sexual and non-sexual intimacy.

When you honor what’s “normal” for you and your partner, then you can appreciate where you are and what’s going right. This doesn’t mean that you deny the troubles you two have. It just means that you know what is usual for you.

This can be a place for gratitude and for building up to changes you both want.

Get curious about what’s blocking intimacy and passion.

If you want more frequent sex and connection, then take your “normal” and figure out a next step toward the improvement you’re looking for. If you and your partner are falling far short of what your “normal” is when it comes to sex, there’s probably a block. Without blame, figure out what’s blocking intimacy so you can start making changes.

This can be potentially tricky!

It’s all too common for people to either lay sole responsibility for a lack of passion on their partner or on themselves. The truth is almost always that responsibility is shared. BOTH people in a relationship contribute to dynamics that either push them apart or move them closer together.

Look at the ways you normally communicate, react and act. Notice what happens on a daily basis and when you feel stressed out or emotionally triggered. Even if it doesn’t seem like a particular habit would influence intimacy and sex, it probably does.

More from YourTango: 5 Ways to Bring Your Marriage Back from the Brink of Divorce

Remember, healthy and amazing sex and intimacy spring from a relationship connection that is close, trusting, respectful, kind and attentive-- all of the time and not just when one person wants to have sex.
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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

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