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What Magazines Won't Tell You About Dating

Love, Sex

Looking for love doesn’t have to be such difficult work!

If you've browsed the magazine racks at your local bookstore or surfed the web, you know that there's a LOT of dating advice out there. There are how to’s for using body language to get and impress a date, lists of words and phrases to say (and not to say) and much much more.

Women are often told to lose extra pounds, get a wardrobe and hair makeover, don't be too forward or too smart, but do be sexy, interesting and inviting. Men are advised to be strong but not macho, take charge but be sensitive, bulk up your biceps and tone your abs and dress and drive to show how much of a success you are.

Phew!

You can drive yourself crazy and end up feeling like you have zero chance attracting the kinds of dates you want if you try to follow this advice.

To sum up...

In general, magazines send the message that, in order to get dates and/or a relationship, you've got to make some major changes in your body, your manner of speaking, your interests, your spending and other areas of your life. We don't think finding love has to be such hard (and maybe impossible) work!

It can actually be very simple.

To attract someone who is a match for you, be the best you can be.

“Sure,” you're thinking. You've heard this one before. Maybe it was your mom who consoled you when you felt miserable, unpopular and ignored by your biggest crush. She (or someone else in your life) may have told you to just “be yourself” and the right person for you will come along.

Well, your mom was right.

When you step into your authentic self and really live at the highest potential you can at this time, then you're going to shine. No, you won’t be perfect, but you’re going to be someone who is interesting and attractive to others-- maybe not everybody, but the right partner for you.

When your guiding principle is to be at your best, you won't have to force yourself or try to pretend that you're something you're not. You do what needs to be done to tap into that amazing-ness that is you and then attracting love happens naturally and easily.

If all of this sounds like it will never work for you, try these 3 tips...

1. Identify your strengths.
You might think you know what your best attributes are, but you're probably missing some things. Take the time to observe yourself. Look at what you're really good at doing and your physical positives too. For some people this feel uncomfortable. They worry about being narcissistic.

The point here is not to put others down or make yourself superior, it's about celebrating everything about you that your potential partner might appreciate and adore. When you recognize your strengths, you’re shifting your focus to what you like and what you’d like to keep developing about yourself. This exercise also boosts confidence, which is an essential part of being your best.

2. Show your passions.
One big mistake that many people make when out socially is to be like clay. They mold themselves to whatever topic seems to be dominating the conversation. Whether it’s politics, sports or finding a global warming, even if you don’t agree or find the topic sort of boring, you join in with enthusiastic smiles and nods.

If you do this, you to hide the real you and what you are really passionate about. You aren’t being genuine.

Of course, it's a big turnoff to talk with someone who will only listen and engage when it's something he or she is into.

We aren't suggesting that you take over every conversation you’re in, but do be honest and open about what you are passionate about. When you talk about your interests, you're going to light up and come alive-- no matter how geeky, odd or strange they seem to you. THIS is what will attract the other person and make him or her want to get to know you even more.

3. Lead with curiosity.
Set aside your worries that you're too awkward, not cute enough or whatever it is your thoughts distract you with. Keep bringing yourself back to the moment you are sharing with this person you are talking to or spending time with. Get curious and let that lead you in what you say and do.

Find out more about the person. What peaks your interest about what he or she is saying? What would you like to know more about? Also ask yourself questions like, “Am I enjoying talking with him?” “Does spending time with her feel like a fit for what I'm looking for?”

When it's your curiosity that drives-- instead of “shoulds” or guesses about what would be impressive-- you're going to know when you're with someone who is a match for you and when you're not. Love will just happen without all of the work and it will feel wonderful!
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