Is There A Cure For Your Boyfriend's Wandering Eye?

By

Is There A Cure For Your Boyfriend's Wandering Eye?
What to do when your man's eyes linger a little too long on other women ...

At the same time, there is a difference between admiring another person and gawking, leering or staring, especially staring at particular parts of the other person's body. When your guy seems to be looking at another woman, question what you think you see. Is he truly just looking or is he crossing a line?

Stop the excuses.

First and foremost, when your partner is looking "too long" or inappropriately at another woman, don't let excuses take over (from him or in your mind). Don't use this as a reason for you to feel worse about what you believe are your "ugly" features or unattractive body size. And don't accept your partner's (or your own) rationalization that he "can't help it" or is "just being a guy."

Be specific.

The more you focus on specifics and the less you launch into blame and accusations the better. Yes, do talk with your partner about his staring, but don't condemn him or assume to know what his intentions are. You don't.

Identify his observable behaviors that you believe compromise trust. Say something like, "Yesterday, when we were at the pool together and you watched a woman in a bikini for several minutes, I felt angry and ignored." Let him know exactly what you are talking about and steer clear of generalizations such as, "You always check out other women!"

Try to talk more about what you do want and less on what you don't. Follow up your observation of his specific behavior with, "I like it when I know you’re listening to me." or "I feel more connected with you when you make eye contact with me."

If he is confused about what constitutes looking "too long" or inappropriately at other women, create some agreements. Talk about your expectations and listen to his. Come up with some ground rules you both can be okay with.

Choose what's best for you.

If you've repeatedly told your partner how you feel and asked him to stop behaving in ways that damage trust and your connection and he still has a wandering eye, consider whether you will  stay in or leave the relationship.

Ending your marriage or love relationship can be a very difficult decision to make so take the time to make sure your choice is based on facts and on what’s in alignment with what’s most important to you.

Still not sure what to do about your man who looks "too long" at other women? Get help with your jealousy and this tricky situation in our "Wandering Eyes" audio. www.nomorejealousy.com/WanderingEyes.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

What To Do When You Feel Needy

By

It is a rare person who hasn't ever felt needy. You know the feeling. The urge to know — in that moment — that the one you love is interested in you, cares about how you're doing, wants to spend time with you and genuinely loves you. You want some sign that you're special to your spouse or partner. What's emotionally painful about ... Read more

5 Cures For Your Biggest Jealousy Triggers

By

Sam feels frustrated after a visit with his doctor. His blood pressure is high and he's developing a stomach ulcer. None of these health conditions are a big surprise to Sam. He's been super stressed for months and it's largely because of all of his pent up feelings. It all started when Sam's wife's ex-husband moved back to their small ... Read more

4 Ways Jealousy Actually Helps Your Relationship

By

What you hear about jealousy can be confusing. It's unpleasant, emotionally painful to experience and can cause you to act paranoid and so unlike the person you want to be (and truly are). But... Sometimes, jealousy can seem to get you what you've been longing for — your partner's attention. This is why certain websites and magazine ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB