Technology Rules for Couples Who Want to Stay Connected

Love

Do this and not that for a close and happy relationship...

Compare what you can do today with a phone, computer or another electronic device with what was possible 5 years ago and you'll be amazed!

From opposite ends of your city (or even further), you can coordinate with your partner about who will pick up the dry cleaning or where you want to go for dinner. The two of you can share about amusing or thought-provoking events from your day immediately after they happen.

Communication has been made so easy....and so difficult.

Advances in technology have brought new challenges. Even with all of the devices and means by which a couple can stay in touch, in many ways, communication that truly connects has become much more difficult.

Here are a few reasons why...

  • It's easier to misinterpret a comment or off-handed remark.
  • There are more distractions online.
  • An over-reliance on technology for communication can happen. 

With anything, there are hidden and negative consequences and with technology this is especially so. We have become a plugged-in culture and this isn't always healthy for our love relationships or marriages.

If you are in a long distance relationship, technology may be your only option to keep in regular contact with your beloved. When this is the case, be smart and aware of the pitfalls.

Follow these technology rules to keep communication, trust and intimacy alive and well in your relationship:

Don't use technology to end an argument or make a big decision.
Just because you can now reach your partner just about any moment of any day, doesn't mean you always should. If the two of you had a disagreement as you left the house that morning, resist the temptation to hash it out over text or email.

It's understandable that you might not want to worry and stew around all day about what happened, but don't risk deepening the divide by trying to settle things via technology.

Do set aside specific time to resolve conflicts.
Send an email asking your partner to sit down with you that evening (or the next time you'll be able to be alone together) to talk about the looming decision or argument that's cropped up. When you two are face-to-face, you are less likely to misunderstand each other. You can rely on body language cues and physical touch to create an environment of loving speaking and listening.

Don't crowd out date night.
No matter how often you and your partner text and IM (instant message) one another throughout the day, this is no substitute for a date night together. Life can get busy, but don't sacrifice quality when it comes to the ways you two regularly interact.

Do make connecting a priority.

Creating a close and passionate relationship needs to be one of your top priorities if it's going to be your reality. You don't have to choose between your career and your marriage or your kids and your relationship.

Come up with agreements to connect in a high quality way every day that feel manageable and that you both will keep. These might include having an uninterrupted talk for 5 minutes every day to a weekly or monthly date night that's strictly just for fun. 

Don't take technology too seriously.
If you have a habit of analyzing and stressing out about the things your partner (or you) posts to a social networking site or texts, this is a sign that you're taking technology far too seriously! It's not okay for anyone to be cruel or insensitive in an email, text or post, but don't make up a story that turns something innocent and casual into more than it really is.

If you are offended or triggered by something your partner sends your way, read it again and focus on the literal words in the message or post. If you’re still upset about it, when you two can be face-to-face, ask your partner, “Please help me understand what you meant by.....” and really listen to the response.

Do text, Tweet and Facebook for flirting and fun.
Use technology in a way that enhances your relationship instead of adding more challenges to what you already have going on. Save the serious talks for when you and your partner can be sure you're not distracted and when you can minimize misunderstandings-- when you are alone and can look one another in the eye.

Be flirty, sensual and have kind-hearted fun with your partner with technology. Send him a mid-day text that says, “Can't wait to be alone together tonight!” to build anticipation. Post a link to a romantic music video or a loving quote on her Facebook timeline to make her smile.

When used wisely, technology can be a wonderful way to get creative and extend passion and connection throughout the time when you two are apart.

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