Talk So That He REALLY Listens

By

Talk So That He REALLY Listens
6 ways to ensure that your guy won’t tune you out...again.

There are few worse things than trying to have a conversation with someone who isn’t paying attention. This is annoying when you’re at a party or meeting, but you can usually blow it off and not take it personally.

It does feel personal, offensive and maybe even like a rejection, when your partner is the one who doesn’t seem to be listening.

When your love is nodding his head blankly while watching tv or is checking his phone as you pour your heart out, it hurts. It feels like he doesn’t care or can’t handle listening to what you have to say.

Either way, you don’t feel heard and this breeds resentment, anger and distance in your relationship.

The belief that your partner will NEVER listen to you or that communication between the two of you will ALWAYS be miserable like this gets stuck in your mind. You then approach future conversations with him with the expectation that he’s not going to listen or that he isn’t interested in what you have to say.

This is also unhealthy for you and your relationship.

Get out of this trap by taking a look at how you communicate with your partner. Sure, his habit of answering texts in the middle of a conversation or zoning out when you speak don’t help, but there are probably some habits you have that prevent connecting communication.

If talking to your guy usually feels like talking to a brick wall, do these things...

1. Check in with yourself first.
Don’t just launch into a litany of what you want him to change or a gripe session about your day. First, get clear with yourself about what you want to say. What is the main point? What do you want to come away from the conversation having expressed or decided? Sort through your raw emotions and get to the heart of what you want to say. This will make it easier for him to understand you and it’s more likely that he’ll actually do so.

2. Check in with him.
Another way to doom a conversation is to barge into the room and immediately start talking. Be considerate! He may have just sat down after a busy day to check sports scores, read the news, or just have a moment of quiet. Simply ask, "Is this a good time for you to talk?" Even if you don’t have something serious or big to say, find out if he is available before launching in. If he’s busy, ask when he’ll be free to focus on you.

3. Use requests, not demands.
We know you feel strongly about what you’ve got to say; we all do! Make sure you’re not putting him on the defensive with demands, criticism and blame. Phrase your words as a request and use "please" and "thank you" too. This establishes a sense of respect and cooperation. Keep Reading...

More Relationship Advice From YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

When Change Is A Bad Thing for You and Your Relationship

By

How much money would you spend and to what degree of discomfort and possible pain would you go to in order to please your partner or attract a relationship? This is a question that many of us have grappled with at one point or another in our adult lives. Sometimes, the imperative to change doesn't even come from the one we love. It can be an internal ... Read more

8 Reasons Why You Should Have More Sex If You're Over 50

By

Aging can be a pretty serious business...but it doesn't have to be! It's inevitable that changes happen in your life and your body as you get older. Kids grow up and start having kids of their own. You retire or get closer to retirement. These are just two radical departures from what you've known, and there are more. Your body changes. Signs of ... Read more

3 Ways Your 'Better Half' Is Ruining Your Relationship

By

"Cheers to the perfect couple!" Heart-felt words like these can actually doom a relationship. Did you know that your well-meaning congratulations to a new couple could solidify dangerous myths about love? Beliefs about relationships were the focus of a recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Toronto and the results ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular