Take Your Marriage from Fizzle to Sizzle

By

Take Your Marriage from Fizzle to Sizzle
Re-start the spark with your spouse...

There are too many stereotypes of marriage to count. A biggie that we read about and hear all of the time is that the passion inevitably dies over time in a long-term relationship.

This is humorously portrayed in TV sitcoms where the husband and wife mostly regard one another with boredom and-- in healthier relationships-- resigned acceptance. It's pretty clear when the newlywed phase is done.

As you might know from your own experience, this stereotype isn't always far off from reality. There is a certain comfort and reliability to being in a marriage that's lasted. You feel reasonably certain that your spouse will be there for you.

There isn't much spark going on, however.

As reassuring as it might be to have a partner you can count on (at least most of the time), maybe you also long for something more. Perhaps you miss those days when different adjectives defined your relationship. Words like, “hot,” “can't get enough,” “sexy” and more may have applied earlier in your relationship.

Where has that passion gone?

For some couples, this fizzling out of passion leads to disappointment, resentment, hostility, distance and sometimes even cheating or divorce.

The good news is this...

You CAN re-infuse your marriage with more sizzle.

Here are 4 ways to bring back the red hot passion you're craving...

#1: Be greedy.

Know that you deserve to have the kind of spark and romance that you want with your partner. Too often, people gloomily resign themselves to what feels like a dark and cold life.

Of course, we're exaggerating (a bit). Your marriage might not feel dark and cold, but if you notice a lack of the kind of passion you used to have-- or even that you've never had but always wanted-- then you're probably feeling dissatisfied.

Be greedy enough to do whatever it takes to create a relationship that delights and excites you.

We're not suggesting that you ignore your spouse's wants and needs. Instead, tune in to what you want and really listen what your partner wants. This is the place for honest and open communication and it is also the place for connection which are all essential prerequisites for passion.

#2: See beyond the fizzle.

There's something enticing about venting to a friend about how annoying and irritating things are-- including and especially your spouse. You may like to joke about how “hot” your Saturday nights are as your husband watches sports highlights as you fold clothes.

What underlies the venting and even the good-humored joking is a deep feeling of lack.

That lack of passion can feel sum total of your marriage. This is truly sad and it will only take you further away from your spouse and from the kind of spark you're looking for.

Instead, challenge yourself to find something that you can appreciate and possibly even feel excited about when it comes to your marriage. Yes, there might be a lot of dull and boring, but what about those moments when it's not?

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

What To Do When You Feel Needy

By

It is a rare person who hasn't ever felt needy. You know the feeling. The urge to know — in that moment — that the one you love is interested in you, cares about how you're doing, wants to spend time with you and genuinely loves you. You want some sign that you're special to your spouse or partner. What's emotionally painful about ... Read more

5 Cures For Your Biggest Jealousy Triggers

By

Sam feels frustrated after a visit with his doctor. His blood pressure is high and he's developing a stomach ulcer. None of these health conditions are a big surprise to Sam. He's been super stressed for months and it's largely because of all of his pent up feelings. It all started when Sam's wife's ex-husband moved back to their small ... Read more

4 Ways Jealousy Actually Helps Your Relationship

By

What you hear about jealousy can be confusing. It's unpleasant, emotionally painful to experience and can cause you to act paranoid and so unlike the person you want to be (and truly are). But... Sometimes, jealousy can seem to get you what you've been longing for — your partner's attention. This is why certain websites and magazine ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.