After reading the following short paragraph, close your eyes for just a moment and notice what you see:
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It's a simple scene that happens in the movies (explicitly and implicitly) and in real life too. When you played out the scene in your own mind, what was the approximate age of the romantic couple?
Most likely, you automatically pictured two people who were in their 20s. Regardless of whether the couple who appeared in your mind's eye were straight, gay or lesbian and no matter what their race or ethnicity, you most likely saw them as relatively young adults.
Definitely NOT a couple in their 50s or older.
Even if YOU are over 50, this is probably what you saw in your mind and here's why...
Most of us assume that romance and passion are unnecessary, impractical or even impossible after a certain age. We buy into the myth that aging means decline-- and this includes a decline in libido and the ability to be as sexual as we used to be.
It's beliefs like this that cause us to lower our expectations and just deal with an unfulfilling sex life. Our beliefs shape our reality and maybe that's going on right now in your love relationship or marriage too.
You've stopped talking with your partner about sex because...
- You don't want your partner to feel bad.
- It's embarrassing.
- You're worried you'll start an argument.
- Your body has changed and sex isn't as easy or fun as it used to be.
- You believe that dull or no sex is the way it has to be from here on out.
You don't even bring up the subject of sex anymore and you've resigned yourself to unsatisfied and lonely (even though you're in a relationship) life.
There could be other aspects of your relationship that are going well and you comfort yourself with that. Your relationship has mellowed and you tell yourself, “It's not so bad this way.”
And maybe it's not or maybe you secretly long to feel the kind of spark and passionate connection you used to feel with your partner.
It's that longing and that unfulfilled desire that can ruin your relationship. As uncomfortable as it can be to talk about sex with your partner, it's painful to carry around an accumulation of resentful, insecure or angry thoughts and feelings.
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No matter how many years you and your partner have been together and regardless of the number of candles on your birthday cake, it's time for you to find the courage to talk about sex. Do it for yourself, for the one you love and for your relationship.
Here are 4 suggestions to make this tricky conversation a success...