ProConnect

Speak Up & Tell Your Truth

By

Speak Up & Tell Your Truth
5 questions to help you find your voice in your love relationship or marriage

#1: “When do I silence myself?”

Notice which situations seem to cause you to clam up and become silent. What triggers your fear that your partner will get angry, withdraw or even leave if you admit to how you really feel? The more you can observe your own patterns, the easier it will be to support yourself and do something different in those challenging moments.

#2: “What do I need to say?”

Make private time for yourself and think about a recent (or recurring) situation when you were either wishy-washy about what you thought or didn’t speak at all. Find out what it is you really wanted to say at that time and acknowledge it to yourself.

More from YourTango: How Pushy Is TOO Pushy?

Really listen for your need behind the unspoken words. Let’s say you bit back a request that your partner stop leaving his dirty socks strewn around the house. Maybe your need is for him to work with you to keep the house tidier. Try to get to the core of what you’d like to say.

#3: “What do I fear will happen if I speak up?” 

As you identified what it is you’d really like to say and what your needs are around this subject, you may have experienced worry, anxiety or fear. Now, as you are by yourself, explore what it is you are afraid of. What do you believe will happen if you speak up?

Gently ask yourself if you have any reliable evidence to back up your fears. If you don’t, then perhaps it’s time to let that fear go. If you do, then maybe it’s time to decide whether it’s wise for you to stay in the relationship. Is this a healthy situation for you?

#4: “What do I hope will happen if I speak up?”

Now, shift your focus to what you’ll possibly gain by breaking your silence. What are the benefits of letting your partner know that you really think/feel/want ____?  It could be a resolution to a long-standing point of tension. It may be a change you’ve been wishing for. It could be a chance for you two to move closer together in trust and mutual understanding.

#5: “How can I speak from MY truth?” 

There are no guarantees that your partner will like or agree with what you have to say when you do speak up. He or she might feel angry, hurt or disappointed and express that.  Or not. But, you won’t know if you choose to remain silent. Your underlying need will remain unmet.

One way to promote connection, even when communicating about a contentious subject, is to make sure you’re speaking YOUR truth. Choose words that show you are talking about your point of view, your preference and what you want and not assuming or projecting onto your partner. For example, say “I feel...” instead of “You make me feel....” 

More from YourTango: 5 Ways to Bring Your Marriage Back from the Brink of Divorce

Another truth you can speak to your partner is your desire to work together. You can encourage the one you love to stay open and really listen to you as you make it known that your relationship connection is important and you want to find a solution you both can be happy with.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The way you speak up makes ALL the difference! Click here for free communication secrets

 

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

4 Questions You Wish You Never Asked Your Partner

By

If you've ever asked yourself the question: "Was it something I said?" chances are, it was. Communication with your spouse or partner can be a tricky business. You may have the best intentions and only want your beloved to move closer to you, but the way you choose to tell your truth and say whatever is on your mind can unintentionally cause ... Read more

4 Game Changers for a Happier Marriage

By

This year’s NCAA basketball tournament is nearing its exciting finish. If you’ve been following your favorite team to see who’s best at college basketball and hoping your bracket picks survive and win, you’ve probably been watching a lot of hoops. You’ve probably noticed something about these adrenaline-rush games... There ... Read more

How Pushy Is TOO Pushy?

By

Without a doubt, one of the most infuriating things in a relationship is when your guy gets quiet and won’t talk. You know he had a bad day and he refuses to talk about it. His response is, “I’m fine,” when you ask. Or you’re sure he’s angry because of something you did, but he won’t talk about it. You can almost ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Dating: So You're In Debt, When Should You Tell Them?

Debt And Dating: When Should You Reveal Financial Troubles?

Own up to money challenges at the appropriate time openly and honestly.

Common Stages Of Divorce

9 Tips For Navigating The Common Stages Of Divorce

Are you facing divorce? Design your own strategy for navigating the common stages of divorce.

Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS