Speak Up & Tell Your Truth

By

Speak Up & Tell Your Truth
5 questions to help you find your voice in your love relationship or marriage

#1: “When do I silence myself?”

Notice which situations seem to cause you to clam up and become silent. What triggers your fear that your partner will get angry, withdraw or even leave if you admit to how you really feel? The more you can observe your own patterns, the easier it will be to support yourself and do something different in those challenging moments.

 

#2: “What do I need to say?”

Make private time for yourself and think about a recent (or recurring) situation when you were either wishy-washy about what you thought or didn’t speak at all. Find out what it is you really wanted to say at that time and acknowledge it to yourself.

Really listen for your need behind the unspoken words. Let’s say you bit back a request that your partner stop leaving his dirty socks strewn around the house. Maybe your need is for him to work with you to keep the house tidier. Try to get to the core of what you’d like to say.

#3: “What do I fear will happen if I speak up?” 

As you identified what it is you’d really like to say and what your needs are around this subject, you may have experienced worry, anxiety or fear. Now, as you are by yourself, explore what it is you are afraid of. What do you believe will happen if you speak up?

Gently ask yourself if you have any reliable evidence to back up your fears. If you don’t, then perhaps it’s time to let that fear go. If you do, then maybe it’s time to decide whether it’s wise for you to stay in the relationship. Is this a healthy situation for you?

#4: “What do I hope will happen if I speak up?”

Now, shift your focus to what you’ll possibly gain by breaking your silence. What are the benefits of letting your partner know that you really think/feel/want ____?  It could be a resolution to a long-standing point of tension. It may be a change you’ve been wishing for. It could be a chance for you two to move closer together in trust and mutual understanding.

#5: “How can I speak from MY truth?” 

There are no guarantees that your partner will like or agree with what you have to say when you do speak up. He or she might feel angry, hurt or disappointed and express that.  Or not. But, you won’t know if you choose to remain silent. Your underlying need will remain unmet.

One way to promote connection, even when communicating about a contentious subject, is to make sure you’re speaking YOUR truth. Choose words that show you are talking about your point of view, your preference and what you want and not assuming or projecting onto your partner. For example, say “I feel...” instead of “You make me feel....” 

Another truth you can speak to your partner is your desire to work together. You can encourage the one you love to stay open and really listen to you as you make it known that your relationship connection is important and you want to find a solution you both can be happy with.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The way you speak up makes ALL the difference! Click here for free communication secrets

 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

The Must-Read Social Networking Safety Guide For Couples

By

"It's harmless! I don't know why you're getting so uptight about this!" Justin tells his girlfriend Ellen — and not for the first time. He can't understand why she feels so threatened by the comments that Justin posts about and to other women. He also doesn't see why she makes such a big deal about it all. To ... Read more

3 Things You MUST Do To Breakup-Proof Your Relationship

By

We all mess up at one time or another. In the vast majority of cases, when a relationship is in trouble and teetering on the verge of a breakup, there's a complicated array of reasons why. Even if there was (or is) an affair, both people in the relationship played a part in creating the disconnection and dysfunction that helped set the ... Read more

Is Your Romance Hopelessly Doomed Because Of Your Age Difference?

By

Does the age gap between you and your lover you up at night (and we don't mean in a good way)?  It's hard to escape all the relationship studies and polls that say your May-December romance is doomed, including the latest research that seems to indicate that the larger the age gap between two people who are married, the higher the chance ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular