Too many people go through their lives without saying how they feel, what they want and what they really think. They do so to keep the peace, to please or gain approval or because they’re worried they’ll lose the one they love if they don’t remain silent.
Have you lost your voice?
More from YourTango: What to Say to Your Cheating Spouse
Maybe as a kid you were taught that it’s not okay to speak up about what’s important or true to you. Maybe you were treated harshly or even abused for voicing your opinion-- especially if that opinion was different from others’ opinions.
Maybe you’re a shy and private person and it’s uncomfortable for you to open up and share what you really think and how you feel. A person who has lost his or her voice might literally answer a question, but do so in a wishy-washy, timid or hedging way.
This is just another way to silence yourself.
Your partner wants to go to a slasher movie and you say, “Well, okay,” even though you know it will give you nightmares for weeks. When asked, “Are you okay if we have an open relationship?” you answer, “I guess,”not because you want to, but because you’re afraid your partner will break up with you if you’re honest and say “no.”
Why it’s important to speak your truth...
When you hide, cover over or even lie about what’s true for you, you’re not being genuine. This lands you in situations and causes you to have experiences that are absolutely NOT what you want. It’s simply not in your best interests!
Confusion and misunderstandings happen more easily when you refuse to speak up. No comment is often taken as consent or agreement when that’s not the case.
Staying silent also breaks down trust in your closest relationships. When your partner figures out you’re not being completely honest, he or she will wonder what IS true for you and maybe even worry that you’re hiding something.
Your silence may come from a deep desire to maintain peace or to keep your partner happy, but this isn’t the path to a healthy, connected and close love relationship or marriage.
More from YourTango: Do You Fake It?
If you have lost your voice, the first thing we invite you to do is to be kind to yourself. Know that with confidence, courage and awareness, you’ll soon be able to speak your truth with your partner and others in your life. When you do, you’ll open the door to a happiness you’ve possibly never known before.
Ask yourself these 5 questions to encourage you to start speaking up...