"Should We Make Up?"
By Susie And Otto Collins. Posted on .
Give yourself the time to really get clear about what that is and where you heart is leading you.
#2: “Is it in my best interest to reunite?”
Another place to gain deeper insight after a blow up is to consider the difference between what you want and what is in your best interest.
Sure, you may still love your partner. You might feel sad and even panicked at the thought of you two no longer (and permanently) being in a relationship together.
Acknowledge those feelings AND ask yourself if it is wise to reunite.
The wisdom (or lack of it) in getting back together again is not something that has absolute rules or guidelines.
If there is abuse of any kind or addiction, be sure to take that into consideration. If you or your children are being harmed by your partner, please secure your (and their) safety as you fully think about how wise (or unwise) it is to reunite.
#3: “Is there a willingness to grow?”
Another helpful question to ask yourself centers on the potential for growth. You can't know what your partner is going to do. In some respects, you can't know with 100% certainty what you're going to do in the future.
However, there are signs that indicate a willingness-- or unwillingness-- to grow. Pay attention to those signs both in your own actions and in your partner's actions.
Emphasize what you and your partner are (and have been) doing instead of what you each have been saying. Remember the old maxim that “actions speak louder than words.”
At the same time, there might be a willingness to grow in you and your partner even if one or both of you have made big mistakes and acted hurtfully.
What you want to be on the lookout for are things like...an openness to really listen to each other, an honesty about expressing how you each are feeling, the ability to take ownership for each of your roles in the disconnecting dynamic that's going on.
Watch for improvements in how open, honest and willing to try something new that may potentially help your relationship. Things like this can indicate a willingness to grow.
Be patient and kind to yourself as you take steps to make the wisest and most informed decision about your future that you can.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For help making this important decision about whether or not to stay in your relationship, click here for Susie and Otto Collins' free report: "5 Biggest Mistakes People Make When Deciding Whether to Stay In or Leave a Relationship."
More from YourTango: Is There a Cure for His Wandering Eye?
