4 Steps To Prove You've Really Changed
By Susie And Otto Collins. Posted on .
Be clear about and focus in on the habits you have that are contributing to problems in your relationship.
This doesn't mean that you ignore other habits you have that could be putting a strain on your relationship. It does mean that you make sure you are honing in on what is really at issue.
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If it's your jealousy, make that your focus. If it's stopping the texts and emails with the cute guy at work, make that your main goal.
#3: Create clear and conscious agreements.
A great way to prove that you're making significant changes is to create agreements with your partner or ex. These need to be specific so that you both can see that the agreements are being kept (or not).
It's vital that you both have the same understanding of what you are agreeing to and that you both are consciously saying “yes” to that. Confusion or agreement as a way to please or avoid a fight will only cause more distance.
If you and your partner seem to have different ideas about what needs to change, this is something to talk about. Be honest with yourself first.
For example, is being able to watch porn something you're willing or unwilling to stop doing? Is there a compromise agreement either of you will make? Is this a deal-breaker for you?
#4: Follow through.
As the saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” Remember this and make sure that your actions are matching up with what you say you will do.
If you have a habit of forgetting or not following through, this will require you to do the work. Write yourself notes, use your computer or phone's calendar, write it on your hand if you have to.
Whatever it takes for you to keep your word and do what you said you'd do-- use those reminders and supports.
If your habit feels too big for you to handle alone get help from a professional coach or therapist.
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Trust and connection can be rebuilt one kept promise and one followed through action at a time. Be clear about what you are truly willing to change, create agreements and then keep your word.
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Are you trying to rebuild trust and reconnect with your partner or ex? Click here for Susie and Otto Collins' free trust-buildling mini-course.
