When temperatures drop and the weather gets icy and cold, it can be a great excuse to cuddle up with your love in front of a fire or in bed. How delicious to make love with your partner or just spoon under a big cozy blanket!
How horrible when you and your partner are locked in conflict or frozen by hard feelings and resentments. When it's cold INSIDE your relationship, there is no fun, no passion and it can feel like there's no love either.
You might be trying everything you can to break through how closed off your partner seems to you to be. Maybe you've attempted to please him or her at all costs. Perhaps you've abandoned what is important to you in a last ditch effort to get back to being a couple in love.
Whatever you try just doesn't seem to make a difference. The cold and disconnection are still there.
It could be that, instead, you've hardened yourself and become just as icy as your partner. Now, the two of you are barely tolerating each other. If you are polite to one another, it's as if you are business partners, not lovers.
There's no doubt that sustained distance in your relationship can be fatal!
While you can't force your partner to change and stop being icy to you, there are many things you can do to bring improvements.
Here are three tips when it's freezing cold inside your relationship....
#1: Keep your stories in check.
We know, it can be triggering when you notice that your partner seems to be acting odd or “off.” About the time that you recognize that your love has been less talkative or not as affectionate with you as usual, that's when the stories usually ramp up.
It's worrisome when your partner appears to be pulling away from you. It's natural that your mind might kick into high gear trying to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it.
Be very careful when your stories about your partner and why you think he or she is being cold with you start. It's probable that what your best guess is about what your partner is feeling or what he or she really wants from you is wrong...sometimes it's completely opposite of what's true.
Yes, pay attention to the connection (or interruption to connection) between you and your partner. When it feels like there is a wedge between the two of you, recognize that.
But, keep your stories in check. Don't react to your partner based on the stories you may be telling yourself that are not based in reliable fact.
#2: Honestly ask yourself, “Is it me?”
We're not suggesting that you merely dismiss your stories. There might be valuable information in what you are thinking. Your challenge is to question your story and differentiate between what you do have reliable information to support and what you do not.