Are pain and hurt from past relationships standing in your way?
By Susie & Otto Collins — Written on Dec 13, 2011
Completions are actions you take that help you come to some level of peace with what happened in the past and then let it go. When you make a completion, you aren't pretending that you weren't cheated on, lied to, abandoned or hurt in some way. You are not literally wiping your memory clean of past loves.
What you are doing is to move what happened in the past to your memory and out of the forefront of your mind. When you make a completion by burning old photographs, re-decorating a bedroom or some other act that is symbolically significant, you release the prominence that your old relationship (and the pain you associate with it) has for you.
Heal any insecurities you have.
Another reason why many people hold back when dating or in a new relationship is because they feel insecure. Feeling self-conscious or having low self esteem can be linked to painful past relationships. Insecurity can also be present long before that.
If you are insecure, admit it to yourself. Have the courage to see through your own defenses and false faces you put on for others. Look at what you habitually think about yourself and how you interact with others so that you can understand what keeps feeding your self-consciousness.
For example, if you have a tendency to look at other men or women and compare yourself to them, stop! The comparing game is one you will never win. Even if you find people whom you feel superior to in some way, there will always lurk within you the fear that you're not better (or more attractive, sexier, smarter, successful, etc.) than another person.
Learn how to value who you are for who you are-- not for how you think you measure up next to someone else.
Open and trust in wise ways.
We're not advising you to blindly trust everybody you meet, date or get into a relationship with. Be wise and aware. Pay attention to any warning signs that tell you that this person's words and actions aren't matching up or that what the person claims is inconsistent.
Focus in on the reliable information you have about the person you are with and make a decision about whether or not he or she is trustable from that.
Know that even if you've had a really lousy track record when it comes to relationships, it's never too late to heal and finally find the love you want and that you deserve.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the relationship they desire. Click here to get their free ebook, Passionate Heart-Lasting Love.