In Love with a Sex Addict?

By

In Love with a Sex Addict?
Must do’s when your guy is addicted to sex.

Set clear boundaries.
If you and your partner don’t have clear agreements about what behaviors are okay and what aren’t okay, it’s time. It’s important to communicate about what your expectations are and to set boundaries if a mutual agreement doesn’t seem possible regardless of whether or not your partner is diagnosed with a psychological disorder like sex addict.

If your partner’s behavior is negatively impacting trust or your ability to be as close and connected as you’d like to be, find the courage to talk about it.

You can set a boundary without blaming or shaming. Identify the behavior and ask your partner to agree to either limit that behavior or completely stop it. Don’t assume that he or she “should” know what you mean. Be specific and watch for proof that your partner is following through with what you’ve asked.

Get professional help.
If you believe that your partner truly is a sex addict, urge him or her to get help from a professional who specializes in compulsions and addiction. As you see your partner facing the addiction and learning new strategies, the damage and trust can begin to be repaired.

A professional counselor, coach or therapist can teach you techniques to deal with your partner’s behavior and help you get the support you need as well. Even if your partner refuses to admit to the problem or do anything to change, you can learn a lot when you reach out for help individually.

Put your well-being first.
Addiction is a tricky thing. You may tolerate what would otherwise send you packing because you see the “addiction” as what’s driving your partner. Don’t put your health, well-being and self-respect last even if your partner is diagnosed.

Do find out effective ways to communicate about his or her sex addiction and address the behaviors that are impacting you and your relationship. Do use protection if you two have sex and especially if your partner seeks out sex with others.

Do give yourself permission to choose. Ask yourself if it’s healthy and in your best interests to stay in this relationship. Are you seeing clear signs that your partner is getting help and making significant changes? Or would it be better for you to end the relationship now and start the healing process?

There are no guarantees that your partner will stop whatever he or she is doing that’s eroding trust and coming between you two. Make a decision that will allow you to be healthier and happier now and in the future too.

What’s really best for you? Being in a love relationship or marriage with a sex addict or partner who is breaking trust is painful. Get help deciding, Should You Stay or Should You Go? at www.stayorgo.com

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

3 Ways “Meant to Be” Screws Up Your Relationship

By

“Cheers to the perfect couple!” Heart-felt words like these can actually doom a relationship! Did you know that your well-meaning congratulations to a new couple could solidify dangerous myths about love? Beliefs about relationships were the focus of a recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Toronto and the results could ... Read more

What To Do When You Feel Needy

By

It is a rare person who hasn't ever felt needy. You know the feeling. The urge to know — in that moment — that the one you love is interested in you, cares about how you're doing, wants to spend time with you and genuinely loves you. You want some sign that you're special to your spouse or partner. What's emotionally painful about ... Read more

5 Cures For Your Biggest Jealousy Triggers

By

Sam feels frustrated after a visit with his doctor. His blood pressure is high and he's developing a stomach ulcer. None of these health conditions are a big surprise to Sam. He's been super stressed for months and it's largely because of all of his pent up feelings. It all started when Sam's wife's ex-husband moved back to their small ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.