Keep Passion Alive as You Weather the Seasons of Your Marriage

By

Keep Passion Alive as You Weather the Seasons of Your Marriage
5 Strategies to Keep Passion Alive in Your Love Relationship or Marriage

It's fall!

In the Midwest, trees' leaves are beginning to change colors creating a gorgeous palette of red, yellow, purple, brown and green.  It is a season for bundling up and cheering on your favorite football tea and for drinking apple cider.  

Just as our calendar year has its seasons, so too does your marriage

When you notice that your relationship has changed, it can be disconcerting.  You might worry that love has died or doubt your partner's feelings for you. 

As you think back to how it used to be in your relationship, you may realize that the level of passion is just not what it was. 

You may be wondering if this change in the way that you and your partner relate to one another and spend your time is natural and normal or if it means that something is wrong.

This wondering, unfortunately, can create distance in your relationship.  Your partner may begin to feel judged, causing strain. The moments of connection that you two do have may be missed because of your worries.

We're here to tell you that changes can be normal in a relationship...

According to conventional wisdom, there are distinct phases of a marriage (or long-term love relationship). 

  • Honeymoon phase: This is that initial period of time when you two can't get enough of one another.  This is when you fall in love and feel butterflies in your stomach.
     
  • Reality phase: Also called the “realization” phase, this is the time when you begin to see that your beloved is actually human and has flaws just like you do.  This can be a crisis time if the perceived flaws are deal breakers for one or both of you.
     
  • Cooperation phase: This is when a couple is mostly focused on working together toward a common goal-- to raise a family, start a business together or care for home and pets together. This can be a time when passion and the relationship take a backseat to other concerns.
     
  • Rebellion/crisis phase: Crises can occur throughout the phases, but there can be a marked period when one or both people question feelings and the relationship itself. 
     
  • Accommodation phase: If the couple stays together throughout the crises along the way, at this point there is a sense of coming to peace with who the other person is and a settling in to life together.  This may be a time for merely tolerating one another or for re-discovering love and passion.

As you probably already know...

Nothing in life is as neat and tidy or linear as this. 

Relationships usually move in and out of phases like these and some couples never do experience all of the phases listed above.  Or, they experience the phases in very unique and non-textbook ways.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

When You Feel Needy...

By

It is a rare person who hasn't ever felt needy. You know the feeling.... The urge to know-- in that moment-- that the one you love is interested in you, cares about how you're doing, wants to spend time with you and genuinely loves you. You want some sign that you're special to your spouse or partner. What's emotionally painful about ... Read more

5 Cures For Your Biggest Jealousy Triggers

By

Sam feels frustrated after a visit with his doctor. His blood pressure is high and he's developing a stomach ulcer. None of these health conditions are a big surprise to Sam. He's been super stressed for months and it's largely because of all of his pent up feelings. It all started when Sam's wife's ex-husband moved back to their small ... Read more

4 Ways Jealousy Actually Helps Your Relationship

By

What you hear about jealousy can be confusing. It's unpleasant, emotionally painful to experience and can cause you to act paranoid and so unlike the person you want to be (and truly are). But... Sometimes, jealousy can seem to get you what you've been longing for — your partner's attention. This is why certain websites and magazine ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB