“Is This Jealousy or Is My Partner Having an Emotional Affair?”

By

“Is This Jealousy or Is My Partner Having an Emotional Affair?”
Know the difference between jealousy and signs of an affair...

“You're just being jealous,” Randy's husband dismissed her criticism of his friendship with a woman on his co-ed soccer league. She brought up her concerns that he is spending an awful lot of time with this other woman-- at the field practicing, after matches celebrating and texting or messaging  with her several times every evening.

Randy tried to joke about it by saying, “If I didn't know better, I'd say you two are dating!” But both of them could tell that Randy wasn't joking around. She’s afraid that there's more to her husband's “friendship” than he admits. He got defensive and accused her of being jealous and paranoid.

She didn't say anything more about it, but her upset and confusion have only grown since then. Could her husband be right? Is her jealousy causing her to see trouble when it's not really there?

It's true.

Jealousy can skew your view. What you think you're seeing and hearing may not be what's actually going on because you're perceiving it all through a filter of jealousy. It's kind of like trying to drive your car with gauze wrapped around your head and over your eyes. You can sort of see the road ahead and the other cars too, but you can't see well and you might perceive things that aren’t really there.

If something about your relationship doesn’t seem right, you may be uncertain and questioning yourself. You think that your partner is acting strange, but you can't be sure. You do know that you’re sick of worrying-- either your jealousy is making you wrongfully suspicious or your partner actually is having an affair.

What IS clear is that you need to figure out what’s going on. If your jealousy is misleading you, finding ways to calm down and soothe your fears is called for. If the facts show your partner is weakening trust in some way or even cheating, that needs to be addressed.

Signs that jealousy is clouding your view:

  • Your information comes mostly from guesses and theories.
  • You don’t have present-day proof for what you think is going on.
  • You’re sure that cheating is inevitable because of low self esteem.
  • Your emotional intensity doesn’t fit the actual situation.

If you believe that your jealousy has taken over and is making it impossible for you to know what’s happening, get help. A trained counselor or coach can teach you strategies to use when you feel upset so that you can calm yourself, learn to trust yourself again and make decisions that will benefit you and your relationship too.

4 signs of an emotional affair:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

When Change Is A Bad Thing for You and Your Relationship

By

How much money would you spend and to what degree of discomfort and possible pain would you go to in order to please your partner or attract a relationship? This is a question that many of us have grappled with at one point or another in our adult lives. Sometimes, the imperative to change doesn't even come from the one we love. It can be an internal ... Read more

8 Reasons Why You Should Have More Sex If You're Over 50

By

Aging can be a pretty serious business...but it doesn't have to be! It's inevitable that changes happen in your life and your body as you get older. Kids grow up and start having kids of their own. You retire or get closer to retirement. These are just two radical departures from what you've known, and there are more. Your body changes. Signs of ... Read more

3 Ways Your 'Better Half' Is Ruining Your Relationship

By

"Cheers to the perfect couple!" Heart-felt words like these can actually doom a relationship. Did you know that your well-meaning congratulations to a new couple could solidify dangerous myths about love? Beliefs about relationships were the focus of a recent study conducted by researchers at the University of Toronto and the results ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular