Jealous? Stop Stalking And Start Talking

By

Jealous? Stop Stalking And Start Talking
Do you check your partner's Facebook page at least once a day? You might be a stalker.

When your partner says or does things that trigger your jealousy, it feels like you can't help but stalk them. We want you to know that you can start to make conscious decisions that not only soothe your jealous urges, but improve your relationship.

1. Talk with yourself first. As you feel that impulse to stalk, notice what you're doing and stop. Don't take any action until you have a talk with yourself first. Your self-talk might go something like this, "Hey, I really really want to click on over to Facebook and check my boyfriend's page. His class reunion was last weekend, and I'm worried that he's re-connected with his old girlfriend."

Take a deep breath and continue by saying to yourself, "Okay, is this going to make my jealousy go away? I don't think so. Will it help me feel close to my boyfriend? Nope. So, instead I'm going to go for a run, and then I'll text my boyfriend and invite him to meet me for a late dinner together."

You can literally talk yourself out of being driven by jealousy. Slow down and remind yourself to consider the consequences of stalking before deciding whether or not to go ahead and do what you were compelled to do.

2. Talk with your partner. Are there times when you've got good reason to check up on what your partner says? Definitely! It's never wise to ignore warning signs that indicate your partner might be lying to you or hiding something. Stick with observable facts, and, in some cases, this might involve doing the very same things that constitute stalking.

The most important thing is for you to know when your jealousy is taking over your decision-making and when clear-seeing is leading the way.  For many people, jealous impulses are fear-driven and not linked to facts. Clear-seeing comes with a sense of certainty, even if you don't like what you're being pulled to say or do.

When you have reliable proof that your partner is flirting, lying, breaking promises or disrespecting you, communicate with him/her about it. Have a talk where you set boundaries and create agreements to address whatever is going on. If you find out that your partner is having an affair, decide whether or not you'll stay in the relationship. Second chances can lead to success, but only if both of you are willing to work together to rebuild trust.

--

Jealousy doesn't have to ruin your peace of mind or your relationship! Get Susie and Otto's free 7 Jealousy-Stopping Secrets at www.nomorejealousy.com

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

Is Jealousy Ever A Good Thing?

By

What you hear about jealousy can be confusing. It's unpleasant, emotionally painful to experience and can cause you to act paranoid and so unlike the person you want to be (and truly are). But... Sometimes, jealousy can seem to get you what you've been longing for-- your partner's attention. This is why certain websites and magazine ... Read more

Keeping Score Kills Love: 5 Ways To Change This Dynamic

By

We've all been there. Your partner has put you off, let you down or totally messed up so many times, you have a running tally going and it only fuels your irritation and anger. One woman posted on Reddit a spreadsheet her husband actually created and sent to her that listed off every excuse she'd given him over the past month for not having sex. He ... Read more

Stress And The State Of Your Relationship

By

Unfortunately, we Americans have become “accomplished” at creating stressful lives for ourselves. A recent nationwide stress survey conducted by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, and the Harvard School of Medicine asked people how stressed they've been lately and what they do when they're stressed out. Researchers for this study found ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB