The Green-Eyed Monster: Holiday Edition

By

green monster
Don't let jealousy takeover and destroy your holidays (and relationship) this year!

Jealousy can sneak up, catch you unaware and leave you feeling confused and beaten up. Jealousy can also end up destroying your relationship and compromising your health and well-being. This is why jealousy is sometimes referred to as the "green-eyed monster."

Around the holidays, jealousy can be even more difficult to deal with. Its effects can be more intense and detrimental than they normally are. You're already busier and stretched more than usual with added parties, outings and huge shopping lists. You're also often around more people and in more potentially uncomfortable situations than usual during the holiday season. If you already have a habit of being jealous, this combination can be prime for the green-eyed monster to come crashing in. Are You The Jealous Type?

Your jealousy might be triggered at a family gathering where you watch your cousin and her spouse who seem to be so in love. You look at your own partner and the problems you two face seem even bigger. Jealousy could come up when you and your partner are at his or her work party. There's a certain very attractive co-worker who seems to be focusing a lot of attention on your partner. You feel left out and are worried.

It looks different for every person. Jealousy may bring out fear, worry, anger, bad feelings or even paranoia in you. It's the last thing you probably want to bring to holiday gatherings or to your life ever, but it's there, so what can be done? 

Get good at interrupting.

Your green-eyed monster can't trash your holiday experience without momentum. Every jealous outburst you might have begins somewhere. If you can catch your jealousy when it's "small," then you're going to have much more success in heading off disaster.

Start by paying closer attention to your thoughts. This may sound impossible, but it's a very powerful practice. Notice what you are thinking throughout the day. Get into the habit of "listening in" to the thoughts floating through your mind. If you have a jealousy habit, it's likely that your dominant thoughts are leading you to feel insecure about yourself and worried about your relationship. Do You Talk Down To Yourself?

For example, you might think things like this ...

Why is he looking at her like that?
If this is the way he talks to my partner when I'm around, what happens when I'm not?
My mate never holds my hand or kisses me the way that they do.

There might be some accuracy in what you are thinking. It may be wise for you to follow up and get answers to the questions you have. The trouble is, when your jealous thoughts are allowed to take over, they're definitely going to grow. They can become the "monster" that causes you to say or do things that only make your relationship more strained and disconnected. How To Stop Worrying About Your Relationship

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

Keeping Score Kills Love: 5 Ways To Change This Dynamic

By

We've all been there. Your partner has put you off, let you down or totally messed up so many times, you have a running tally going and it only fuels your irritation and anger. One woman posted on Reddit a spreadsheet her husband actually created and sent to her that listed off every excuse she'd given him over the past month for not having sex. He ... Read more

Stress And The State Of Your Relationship

By

Unfortunately, we Americans have become “accomplished” at creating stressful lives for ourselves. A recent nationwide stress survey conducted by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, and the Harvard School of Medicine asked people how stressed they've been lately and what they do when they're stressed out. Researchers for this study found ... Read more

Can't Trust Because Of Your Ex?

By

You don't trust your partner and there's no good reason for it. You know this, but you can't seem to change it. You check his phone. You shadow her to keep her "safe from creeps." You're constantly anxious and afraid that your partner will cheat... Even though there's no evidence to support your fears. You ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB