ProConnect

Is It Time to Get a Second Opinion to Save Your Marriage?

By

Is It Time to Get a Second Opinion to Save Your Marriage?
When it's time for outside advice for your marital troubles who should you turn to?

You've pretended that the problems weren't there. You've thought and thought about the troubles in your marriage searching for a solution. You've talked and maybe even argued with your partner about this challenge you face.

Maybe you two have stopped talking about your marital problem because it feels too big and impossible to deal with.

More from YourTango: 4 Questions You Wish You Never Asked Your Partner

You might be wondering if it's time to get an outsider's opinion.

It can truly be transformative to be offered a different perspective of a conflict or difficult situation. The one who is not entrenched-- as you and your spouse are-- can usually see possible solutions that neither of you were aware of or considered doable.

A few signs that a second opinion might be helpful are...

-- Communication has broken down. The problem has become something you two incessantly argue about or it is the “elephant in the room.”

-- You feel like you've tried everything with no positive changes. Your problem may even seem like it's grown and become worse.

-- The conflict or issue feels like it's beyond your ability to fix. You feel helpless and frustrated.

-- There has been violence or abuse (from either or both of you).*

Getting a second opinion can be the key you and your partner need to start to turn around a bad situation that might even lead to divorce.

Unfortunately, getting a second opinion might get you further stuck and in conflict.

Here's why...

The first person that many of us turn to when we want advice is a friend, family member, neighbor or co-worker. It's only natural to confide in someone we trust and know well.

To even admit to a marital problem can feel embarrassing or vulnerable. It certainly takes courage to open up and ask someone for advice or help about a problem. It is understandable that the one you might choose to trust and turn to is someone close to you.

While your friend, family member, neighbor or co-worker might be a very wise and experienced person, relying solely or primarily upon his or her advice could be your biggest mistake. This person whom you are close to could have your best interests at heart, yet the advice might keep you embroiled in conflict with your partner.

Especially if your confidante has had a similar challenge in his or her relationship, the perspective you receive may be skewed. In a case like this, the advice you receive may be accurate for what your friend went through, but it might not be accurate for your situation.

More from YourTango: 4 Game Changers for a Happier Marriage

Because this person is close to you, it's probable that he or she will be more biased toward your “side” in the conflict. This means that you could hear some of the angry, righteous thoughts you've been having coming from the mouth of your family member. The negativity only gets reinforced.

Again, we don't doubt that your friend, family member, neighbor or co-worker has valuable insights and cares a lot about you. We encourage you to keep in mind the biases that come with advice you get from someone you are close to, however.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

4 Questions You Wish You Never Asked Your Partner

By

If you've ever asked yourself the question: "Was it something I said?" chances are, it was. Communication with your spouse or partner can be a tricky business. You may have the best intentions and only want your beloved to move closer to you, but the way you choose to tell your truth and say whatever is on your mind can unintentionally cause ... Read more

4 Game Changers for a Happier Marriage

By

This year’s NCAA basketball tournament is nearing its exciting finish. If you’ve been following your favorite team to see who’s best at college basketball and hoping your bracket picks survive and win, you’ve probably been watching a lot of hoops. You’ve probably noticed something about these adrenaline-rush games... There ... Read more

How Pushy Is TOO Pushy?

By

Without a doubt, one of the most infuriating things in a relationship is when your guy gets quiet and won’t talk. You know he had a bad day and he refuses to talk about it. His response is, “I’m fine,” when you ask. Or you’re sure he’s angry because of something you did, but he won’t talk about it. You can almost ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS