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Is It Smart To Use Sex As A Reward?

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Is It Smart To Use Sex As A Reward?
Is it healthy to use a bedroom payback to get him to do the dishes?

You’ve asked politely. You hinted. You argued. You begged. When it comes to doing dishes, cleaning and laundry, you want your partner to share the load and your he either habitually forgets or refuses.

Nothing seems to work to get your partner to take responsibility for a portion of the housework and so you do something you never thought you’d do...you reward him with sex.

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“If you take care of the dishes, I’ll give you an evening you won’t forget!”
“Help me with the laundry and I’ll make it worth your while!

A woman giving her man a sexy payback for “helping” around the house isn’t as rare as you might think. A recent survey by The Daily Mail reports that 2/3 of British women admit to rewarding their partner with sex when he completes household chores.

Big strides have been made when it comes to gender inequality, but overall women still perform a “second shift.” They finish one job and head home to face another one that can include folding clothes, cooking, picking up clutter and more. Every. single. day.

report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that despite more women in the paid workforce in the past decades, things are out of balance when it comes to housework. On an average day, 83% of women surveyed cook, clean and tidy up compared to 65% of the men.

Of course, there are men who do most of the housework in their relationships and who deal with the same frustration.

Maybe you feel this imbalance in your relationship and it’s a source of tension. You want your man to share the load with you instead of expecting you to do it all. Even if your guy takes care of fixing things when they break or mowing the lawn, you’d still like him to join you in the day-to-day tasks.

You turn to what you think is a “positive” way to encourage him to do so: Sex.

Is it healthy for your relationship to use sex as a reward?

Probably not.

Sex and any other kind of intimacy isn’t meant to be a bargaining chip. It isn’t supposed to be something you use-- it’s supposed to be a way to express, share and experience the love you feel for one another.

When you use sex as a reward, it can backfire. Your partner might wonder if you actually do desire him and want to be with him in this intimate way. You may start to feel resentful and believe that he’d never do anything around the house unless you “compensate” him with sex.

More from YourTango: 4 Game Changers for a Happier Marriage

It can erase the connection and pleasure from lovemaking for both of you and it can drive you further away from one another.

If you stop using sex as a reward, it doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to being the only one to do housework. Follow these guidelines to create agreements that work...

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Susie & Otto Collins

Author

Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the passionate relationships they desire.



 

Location: Columbus, OH
Credentials: BS, CCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues
Other Articles/News by Susie & Otto Collins:

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