At the same time, it's important that you honor where you are. If you resist what you're feeling and deny or stuff down unpleasant emotions, they will undoubtedly grow.
Healing processes are often layered. You might uncover a deeper aspect to your feelings months, even years after the intensity subsides.
Does this mean that you'll never truly be “over” the breakup?
Just because something triggers a memory or feeling within you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're moving backwards.
The tears and upset that Juli feels when she finds the card certainly doesn't mean that she'll have to take time off work again just to manage her feelings about the break up with David. What it does mean is that she can sit with that momentary grief and sadness and soothe herself.
It will most likely pass quicker than before and she can re-consider her doubts about going on the date.
Return to the present and what you want.
When something triggers you and it seems that you are once again back in the intense broken heart emotions, be especially gentle with yourself. Don't despair that you're going backwards in your healing or that you'll never be happy again. Instead, allow yourself that cry or yelling in private-- whatever it is you need to release.
Your next step is to remind yourself that the breakup and your broken heart are in the past. You've acknowledged what came up and now you can return to this present moment. If you literally need to tune in to how your feet feel against the floor of your home, do that. Perhaps drinking a glass of cold water and really becoming aware of the water as it goes down your throat will help.
Come back to the present moment and then re-affirm to yourself what it is that you want. You might write down what you want on a piece of paper that is visible. Re-read this list or statement of what you want.
Kim meets Juli for coffee and the two of them talk about what Juli is experiencing. Kim asks Juli what it is she wants right now. Juli replies that she really wants to be happy again and to feel loved. A part of her misses the good times she shared with David but she also knows that she doesn't want him back-- even if that were an option right now.
Juli decides that she does want to keep her date with the guy from the party. She doesn't know what will happen, but she is curious to find out.
When old wounds are triggered and your heart feels like it is breaking all over again, know that you are being given an opportunity to heal even more thoroughly from the past.
Allow yourself to move through these emotions and then come back to the present. Remind yourself of what you want and point yourself towards that goal.
Find out how to heal and move on with your life after a breakup or divorce in Susie and Otto's heal your broken heart free report.