After Infidelity: Is It Too Soon For A Robsten Reunion?
By Susie And Otto Collins. Posted on .
![After Infidelity: Is It Too Soon For A Robsten Reunion? [EXPERT]](http://images.tangomag.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/node-full/image_blog/robsten.jpg "After Infidelity: Is It Too Soon For A Robsten Reunion? [EXPERT]")
When you're back with your ex who cheated, you are essentially taking a risk. So is he or she. It's essential for you both to stay awake and aware so that you don't fall back into the very same patterns that led to the affair and the breakup.
Instead of focusing on "who was to blame," look at habits and patterns over the course of your relationship. What did you both (individually and as a couple) do that caused disconnection and distance? When you open up to this kind of learning, you're on your way to a successful reunion.
More from YourTango: What to Say to Your Cheating Spouse
2. Your partner has accepted responsibility for his or her share. It's difficult and maybe even impossible for a couple to get back together again when the one who cheated refuses to own up to his or her actions. This has to happen.
If your partner cheated and has taken responsibility for the affair and other habits that tore you two apart, this is a healthy and promising sign. Overcoming Infidelity: 6 Tips To Make It Work
Be sure to look at both words and actions. "I'm sorry" are two powerful words, but they mean nothing if they aren't backed up by actions that demonstrate how sincere he or she is about making amends.
Create clear agreements so that you're both on the same page when it comes to exactly how you will rebuild trust.
3. You've accepted responsibility for your share. Remember, this isn't about blame; this is about responsibility. If you can't find any way that you contributed to the disconnection in your relationship that led to the affair and breakup, back up and look again.
It's uncomfortable to acknowledge your role in a problematic dynamic, but it's vital for you to do so. Don't take on more than your share of what happened or make your partner's affair "your fault."
More from YourTango: Do You Fake It?
Instead, pay attention to the (possibly subtle) ways that you may have pushed your partner away or helped create an environment of dissatisfaction. This will help you know what to change.
